Twentieth Post!

YAY me! twenty posts later and here we are!

Hey blog buddies! I hope everyone got what they wanted for Christmas; I did (for the most part... I'm still single) . But Christmas was truly great, again.

I'm going to introduce somethign new today... I call it "Let's be thankful".. I would explain it to you, but I think you'll get the hint as you read it...

Dear pencil,

I love you. Since kindergarten you have stood by me in my escapades to create ugly-ass art that my mom just had to put on our fridge. If it werent for your graphite (formerly lead) tip, I'd be lost. Lost in a sea of invisible chicken scratch, nobody being able to read my smudged compositions. Pen is trying to compete with you, but that bitch has nothing on you! She can't even come close to the beautiful silver smudge you create when my palm rubs accross what I've just written. Some people find that last aspect to be a pain in the ass; I find it astonishing!

And you even come in other colors! Pen tried to copy you on that too, but you come in a much wider range of shades, from electric lime to jazzberry jam, you've evolutionized coloring instruments. And noe you come in multiple colors in one pencil??? How amazing is that? Pencil, you are my idol.

It pains me to stick you into that colosal grinding chamber where you will be shaved of your dignity. However, you will emerge shorter, but more magnificent than before. The real horror is when you become too small to shove into that sharp abyss and I must, at that point, throw you in the garbage. Do not fret, my friend, for we shall meet again! I love you Pencil!

-your friend, Skyler-

I hope you liked my idea.

Happy groping!

Nineteenth post

Hey blog buddies... just wanna apologize again for not being able to write as much as usual these past few days (and for the next week or so)

And because it's Wednesday, I figured I couldn't just leave you guys without a song to ponder. Oh mrs. Lopez... Why did you insist on making a song about your corner? (Jenny from the block)

Children grow and women producing
Men go working
Some go stealing
Everyone's got to make a living

See, all of this is because you're from the ghetto. Seriously, tell your father to get a job, stop abusing your mother and lay off the alcohol for like half an hour. And seriously, after like 10 kids, with no income, you'd think the mother would get a hint and stop screwing around.

We off the block this year

Went from a low to a lot this year
Everybody mad at the rocks that I wear
I know where I'm goin' and I know where I'm from
You hear LOX in the air
Yea, we're at the airport out DBlock
Where everybody air-forced-out
With a new white T.U. fresh
Nothin' phony with us, make the money, get the mansion, bring the homies with us

Oh good! Jenny's not a prostiture anymore! that's great! ok... people shouldn't be mad at her rocks... they never did anything bad! Be mad a J.Lo, because she's a slut, seriously... like 5 husbands later! Oh! and she knows where she's going! (to Hell) And what the fuck is a LOX, seriously, is that some obscure Dr. Seuss character?
"Yea, we're at the airport out DBlock Where everybody air-forced-out  With a new white T.U. fresh" What the fuck is Jenny smoking? Seriously, that makes no sense. And J.LO, YOU'RRE NOT BLACK! you're latina! you can't just go around saying words like "homie", you're gonna get shot!

Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got

I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block
Used to have a little, now I have a lot
No matter where I go, I know where I came from (South-Side Bronx!)
Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got
I'm still, I'm still Jenny from the block
Used to have a little, now I have a lot
No matter where I go, I know where I came from (South-Side Bronx!)

Stop lying Jenny, if you really cared about the ghetto, you'd be adopting babies from alcoholic mothers (like angelina), instead you've become a serial wife. And stop your bragging, we all know you've got millions of dollars, a nice house, a hot husband (not really, he looks really old) and "rocks"...

From In Living Color and movie scripts

To On the 6 to J. Lo to this headline clips
I stayed grounded as the amounts roll in
I'm real, I thought I told you
I'm real, even on Oprah
That's just me
Nothin phony, don't hate on me
What you get is what you see

Typical rap song...doesn't make any sense! and here she goes again on ow much money she makes.... I don't thin she realizes that she's said it like 5 times laready this song. But I will admit that I'm a tad bit jealous. I WANNA BE ON OPRAH! "What you get is what you see"... yep, big assed latina!

I'm down to earth like this

Rockin this business
I've grown up so much
I'm in control and loving it
Rumors got me laughin kid
Love my life and my public
Put God first and can't forget to stay real
To me it's like breathing, yeah

Down to earth like what? And there she goes again with her rocks.... Maybe she's talking about kidney stones? What a bitch! she's all like: "Ya, I'm famous, I'm rich blah blah blah." The she's like: "to me it's like breathing" What a douche!   A little modestly wouldn't hurt! But at least we got something on her... her ass is HUGE! Like, she ain't just got a little junk in her trunk, she's got a fucking elephant, Ford F-150, a spare house, a mountain of Twinkies and like 20 spare tires in there!

L.O.X.:

It take hard work to cash checks
So don't be fooled by the rocks that I got
They assets
You get back what you put out
Even if you take the good route
Can't count the hood out
After a while you'll know who to blend with
Just keep it real with the ones you came in with
Best thing to do is stay low
L.O.X. and J.Lo
They act like they don't but they know

What the fuck is a lox??? Someone please enlighten me! AHAHA! she gets back what she puts out... SHe must get a hell of a lot back because she puts out ALOT! I think I need to remind her again that SHE IS NOT BLACK! you can't just use words like homie and hood! I already told you that J.Lo!  And what the hell kind of a name is J.Lo, it's like Jello! (which reminds me of her ass....BOING!)

And then Jenny repeats that she's got money, but that she used to be a hooker from the "hood" like 5 times... as if we didn't get it the first time! IDIOT!

Anyway, I just want to wish you all a Merry Christmas and Happy New Years and all that jazz.... Thanks again for reading my blog.. It means alot!

Happy Groping!

Eighteenth post

Hey blog buddies!

Two weeks off from school...BEAUTIFUL! First of all, you HAVE to watch this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EYX6gKy-TpI Ding dong, woof, bears!

Anyway, I just wanna et you guys know that the next two weeks are gonna be pretty hectic, so I won't be able to write every day... sorry!

This week was indeed a long one. I mean, it was the last week of school before Christmas and all, but it was still unbelievably long... but it's okay, because I was, once again, capable of making a fool of myself.


I go into Chapters and I'm looking for this one book in hardcover. ALOT HARDER THAN IT SOUNDS! Anyway, I go up to a lady that works there, and I was like (while holding the sfot cover version of the book):" Do you have this in hardcover, like you know? the same book as this, but with a hardcover?" (dumb mistake number one: the name itself kinda gives it away, but I guess I had the urge to specify what a hardcover was to someone who sells books for a living...) and she's like: "OH!  I know what a hardcover is (duh!)and let me check! that's a really good book!" And the whole time I'm like: "I know it's a good book, that's why I'm buying it for someone in Hardcover!" and she looks it up on her fancy little compyter thing says: "no, sorry" but we have 150 Softcovers in stock!" but that's not what I wanted so I said: "I don't want softcover" to which she replies: "well, it's the same thing!" (but it's not!!!! HARDcover and SOFTcover!) anyway, I was like: "well, don't books come out in hardcover before they come out in softcover?" (dumb mistake number 2: just because there's only softcovers in the store, doesnt mean that the hardcovers aren't made, it just means that Chapter's is sold out) and she's like: "You know what, you can just order them from Chapters.ca. Have a good day" I must look like the biggest asshole/retard on earth in her eyes....


Happy groping!

Seventeenth post

Hey blog buddies! Happy 8 days til Christmas! ok... this whole schedule shit is bullshit! The only schedule I will follow is that I will write about a song and it's lyrics on Wednesdays, I won't write on Tuesdays and Sunday's will be my highlight of the week. Every other day will be about whatever the fuck I wanna write about!

Today I think I'm going to write abou my multiple pet peeves. Pay attention, because the list is long!

1. Metal Hangers: I absolutely HATE these things. I don't even know why... First of all, the stupid things barely even hold clothes. I refuse to put my clothes on an item that can be modified to break into a car or used to roast marshmallows. And have you ever cut yourself on one of these fuckers? OUCH! Stick to the wooden ones PLEASE!
2. People who say: "You know?" or "Know what I'm saying" after something. I mean, obviousl they know what you're talking about because you were just talking to them about it. If they don't know, then THEY should ask YOU.
3. Roadmaps that aren't folded correctly: They take up 1000000 time more room if they aren't. Any why is it so hard anyway hmm? There's clearly 100 pre-folded lines just begging to be followed!
4. When someone butters their toast and leaves crumbs in the fucking butter! Like hello? I asked for butter, not crumbs! I don't want your crumbs in my cookies thank you very much!
5. When someone with a full cart of groceries gets into the 10 items or less line. Obviously you have more than 10 items you bitch! There's alineup for people like you! it's called the:"I-must-now-wait-in-line-at-the-slowest-cashier's-cash-behind-other-people-like-myself-because-I'm-a-fucking-idiot lane"
6. When people say "we're pregnant" excuse me, but I don't think you guys are sharing that utterus!
7. People who use the phrase "110%" (or any % more than 100)... It's impossible you dick! get a life!
8. People who pronounce it CARMEL instead CARAMEL.. Seriously... there's one extra letter, it can't be that hard to pronounce it! And it's a vowel.. of all letters, they are easiest!
9. Lawn gnomes... Ugliest things in the history of the world.... Sooo pointless and ultimately very weird!
10. People who just stop at the top or bottom of an escalator... Like, I dunno if you realize it, but that escalator full of people won't just stop after you get off of it. You're causing  severe constipation within the main route! And when he finaly moves, everyone just pours off the escalator...

Happy Groping!

Sixteenth blog entry

Hey blog buddies... Are you excited that there's only 9 days left til Christmas? cuz I am!

Ok... it seems that Wendesday's entries are the most popular... I chose to go with a potentialy less dirty song this time. This weeek's song is "Sometimes when we touch". Everyone's heard it, but in case you dont remember, here's the youtube link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVf940pO5ME

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

How can you choke on a word... seriously! Or better yet, why would you ask a guy if he loves you while he's eating something? That's just begging for chokeage. Then he says that he'd rather hurt her honestly than with a lie... Fuck tard! just don't hurt her in the first place! Oh and I guess he's going for sainthood now, like, as much as we say we shouldn't judge people, WE DO, don't pretend you don't. You really want to say that she DOES look fat in that dress, but you're too afraid to.

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

*sobs*, oh, this is beautiful! When they touch each other, there's too much honesty! Oh, how beautiful, to be able to be honest by touching each other... WHATEVER! what he's probably saying is that when they "touch", she probably keeps on saying "YES!". Close your eyes and hide? How old are you? Just because you can't see them, doesn't mean they can't see you idiot. Oh! and holding someone til they die is just kinda creepy... that's like those serial killers that lock a person up in their basement til they die...  and seriously, if you don't stop holding her, she's gonna suffocate... ease up a little!

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

Yep, he's proud of being able to manipulate a woman into sex... that's definetly something to be proud of you sick perv! I guess he thoguht he should make a song about it. And then he says that through his insecurity (self-esteem issues???), some tenderness survives... I think this means that even though he works out, he's still a little pudgy?
oh, and he lies... no writter tells the truth... And that crane game (the one where you use the crane to impossibly grab those stupid stuffed toys) that you still play, doesn't make you a fighter, it makes you a virgin.

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

Don't break her please, because she's very expensive to fix! And violence is NOT the answer to get a blowjob! Perssuasion is! (hahaha) And I really wanna know what he would brfeak through just to hold her... I'd like to see him try break through an impenetrable wall, jut to see hm run and SMACK right into the wall....

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

Don't try to understand a girl dude, I know how complicated they are., you don't even wanna know... Ok, this is weird. I think he means that he manipulated her, then dumped her ass out on the street when he says: "I've watched while love commands you. And I've watched love pass you by" ... for the record, I don't think you're supposed to treat the person who "you wanna hold til you die" like some cheap hooker.

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

Mommy, what's a drifter? it's a hobo.  Aww! he pretends to be a hobo sometime just to find some friends! WOAH! and apparently, hobo-style is a weird fetish for him...


Happy Groping!

Fifteenth post

Oh how I love thee Monday!

Hey blog buddies... Hope everyone's weekend was fantabulous! Just a little note: I'm supposed t be writting my english essay right now, so I may cut this entry down... But that's not to say that I won't fill it whith my satirical and ultmiatale awesome self!

Felt like being a bitch this morning... So I went into my brothers bedroom this morning, turned on the lights, opened his window wide and stripped the covers off his bed, just because I felt like it. Actually, it's payback for Sunday morning when he came into my room, turned on my sound system and blasted it full blast.
The rest of the morning went without incident, despite being late. When I finaly get into the car, I almost got in a car accident. Not even kidding. I thought I hit him... I was like: "OH! fuck! not my car! take me! but don't touch my car!" but it's okay, because my car is fine, I didnt hit him after all, just came really close.

I broke Mme Laquerre!! We're playing pictionnary in Calculus tomorrow! After 3 months of constant asking to play a game, she gave in!

During my spare, I had to count like 200$ worth of dimes... Who pays with dimes??? they have to be the most useless piece of money in existance.. Seriously, why is the dime the only piece that doesn't have an animal on it? (oh! the penny doesn't, but it does have a leaf, two of them actually) They couldnt think of any other animal to put on a tiny piece of metal, so they just decied to put some stupid tiny sailboat on it.. I would have at least made it look like this:

this is, by the way, my future yacht...

So anyway, as soon as people see snow, they forget how to drive all of a sudden and people are everywhere. It's like: "Umm... the road goes that way, how did you end up in a ditch dickface?" but then two miles later, there's a collision and you're all like :" Umm... CLEARLY you saw that car comming, did u just think he was going to move out of your way?" It took me like 45 minutes to get home... Not  impressed. And to make  matters worse, we had roast pork for supper tonight. Fuck, I hate pork! Seriously, it's the crappiest of all meats. And now I'm writting this stupid blog, for the people that will shit all over me if I don't write, and I should be doing english, but I don't feel like it. Oh ya! and then I thought I died today, forgot to mention that earlier. I was walking out of the school, asfter everyone else was gone, because I had to stay late for something.. Anyway, I'm walking just outside the door at school and I took a massive flip. I was only wearing my white pumas, which have no grip, so I kinda like fell, but It was pure epicness! My feet like ended up somewhere above my head and I thought I was dead.. I quickly realized that I was not dead, and that if I didnt wanna look like a fool, I better get the fuck up fast! So I did, and I did a quick shoulder glance to make sure nobody saw me, and then I continued my strut to my car as if nothing happend... amazing!

Well, today was actually really boring, and I'm sorry,  but if you don't like it, go fuck yourself!

Happy groping!

Fourteenth entry

Hey blog buddies! 12 freakin days til Christmas!

Before I start, I need to ask you guys not to judge me on what I am about to say and write about....


Promise? good!

I use a GPS to navigate around Sudbury. I'm not even kiddiing... Like, not all the time, but since I live in the middle of nowhere, added to my already horrid sense of direction, I get lost really easily. The GPS itself was a gift for my stepfather for his birthday, but I snagged it and it's pretty much alway in my car.

So, here's the event of the week.

I'm going through the backroads in Sudbury, in the residential area off of Lasalle, by Cambrian College... Anyway, my aunt lives back there. So I punched in the destination and I just had to stop at Starbucks because I was passing it... I go in, come back out, and the GPS is off. FUCK! I didnt save the address! I think the thing saves them automatically somewhere, but I couldn't find it. So I punch in the address I thought it was, and the stupid thing tells me to go to Lively. Now, I don't have a good sense of direction, but I know she donesn't lives anywhere near Lively! So I just decide :"I'm gonna be efficient and independant and get there myself!" .... Bad idea... ended up in some weird parking lot somewhere by the mall... So this is like 20 minutes late already.. SO I just call and ask her for the address again... ok, the GPS picks it up and I'm on my way. Somehow, the GPS magically turned dutch on me! and it's all like: "Draaii Linker!" and I had no idea, so I just turned right. Then the GPS starts giving me attitude and says.. Draaii Linker! and I'm like :"I did Draii Linker bitch!" (note, I try not to look at the screen while im driving because It's distracting, so I just took a chance and figured Draaii means left. Actually, Draaiii means turn) So I make a completely illegal U-turn in the middle of this road, and go LEFT. A little while later, it just starts talking saying things like :"in vijf honderd meter draai verlaten" So I figured, vif means five probably, and hondred meter means hundred meter. I thought that verlaten must have meant right if Linker means left. So, turn left in 500 hundred meters. OKAY! Epic failure! Verlaten means left too! what the hell kind of language has two words for left? Seriously! Anyway, I realized pretty fast that Verlaten also means left because the GPS was trying to sabotage my car and make me turn into a huge ditch. Someone at the GPS company is out to get me, I swear, because at that point I stopped to try and change the language, but couldn't because everything was in dutch. The whole time I was stopped, it wanted me to go "verlaten". Finaly I just put the GPS up by my mirror so that I could just watch where I'm supposed to go but the stupid thing doesn't shut up! I swear, the german lady that makes the voice is much meaner than the english lady because the dutch lady just sounds mean. It tells you to make a U-turn (u-draaii) in the freaking driveway! So anyway, I'm very mad at my GPS right now, because I was 45 minutes late. And when I told my family why I was so late, they just laughed at me! And I was like: "Umm...hello? someone's terrorising my GPS" and then my uncles like :"Umm...hello? you just have to hit the word "taal" on the main screen because taal means language in dutch." and then I was like :" well....the mean dutch lady should've just told me that when I wasn't following her directions appropriately."

Because of this whole incident, I think I may write a letter to Garmin asking them to permanently fix my GPS to strictly English and French...

Happy Groping!

Thirteenth entry

Sorry once again blog buddies! i really had good intentions to make last night's post but alas, I had no time to do it.

now I need a celeb to tear apart... Got it!

A pot-pourri of celebs that call their kids weird names. Seriously, do they want their kids to be teased at school for being named after a fruit? Or... well, let's just take a look...

Apple: Oh my shit! seriously? How high does someone have to be to come up with a name like Apple? This poor girl is gonna be bitten so many times... Like, she's gonna go to play dates, where they're gonna have apples as a snack. When the mom says:" take a bite of your apple." the kids are all gonna go temporarily cannibals! And when she gets laid, all the other person's gonna think about is: "Shit! I'm fucking an apple!" I mean, you kind of expect a weird name comming from someone name Gwyneth (cringe) and how do you com up with a name like that anyway? Would it be like when Newton came up with the theorem of gravity? "Fuck! an apple fell on me! Hey! I'm gonna name my kid Apple" I just really hope her last name isn't Paltrow. Apple Paltrow... wow... I'm sorry!

Sage Moonblood: Son of Sylvester Stallone. It doesnt exactly surprise me that the actor in Rambo named his son somethign to do with blood. But I think that somethign like Sage Stabblood would be more appropriate... And Sage? where the hell does that come from? Ancient Egypt perhaps? the guy's surely old enough!  But seeing as this is Sylvester Stallone's son, I'd say he's lucky!

Prince Michael II (blanket): Son of M.J. OK, I think the whole naming of his first son Prince Michael is a little weird to begin with, but could this man not be original enough to come up with another name? Adding 2 to the end of a name doesn't make it different! So, of course, there being 2 Prince Michaels in the house, you'd have to come up with a cool nickname right? I'd think somethign along the lines of Little MJ or something, but no. Michael called him "Blanket" at first this seems not tooo bad, but when you think of it... that's just disturbing! Think about it! What do you do with a blanket? FREAK!

Diva Thin Muffin: Daughter of Frank Zappa. Zappa was a funny guy, bu tthese names are unnacceptable! Diva Thin Muffin.... I don't even wanna know where that name came from. How can you put the three most random words in the world together and make a proper name for someone? And seeing as you never use the middle name, this poor chid's name is Diva Thin.... I just hope she's a huge bitch! Seriously, it'd be the funniest shit ever... Like: "Here comes Thin Diva!" Then BAAAMM! there she is! 

Bronx Mowgli: son of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz. Bronx is a place right? in NY if I'm not mistaken? and Mowgli is that weird naked kid in the Jungle Book right? (off record: can someone PLEASE give the kid in the Jungle Book a Twinkie!) This kid is gonna be known as the jungle kid of New York... Seriously, you're gonna see this kid swinging from vines on the telephone poles and peeing in the poor old lady's planters. His friends are gonna call him Jungle Boy!

Kal-El Coppola: Son of Nicholas Cage. I think somethign went wrong. Kal-El? That's like, space talk! This is the kinda kid who wears underwear on his head in public, makes  helmets out of metal colanders and wire hangers (ok, I tried to go and make one and put it on and take a pic to post here, but my hair looks really really really bad today and the helmet didn't turn out anyway, so scratch that out, just picture it in your head!)

Petal Rainbow Blossom: Daughter of Jamie Oliver. Fuck life! I want a name like this! all fluffed up and pretty-pink-perfect-purple... On the other hand, she'll never need to think of a porn star name for herself... Oh! and it's kids with names like these who grow up to become bitches.... or nuns....

Zuma Nesta Rock: son of Gwen Steffani. ok...I don't even wanna go there but, it's pretty bad when two of the names are't even English, if any language for that matter... then you just add in an awkward Rock... that's like naming your kid Purple Princess Cockmunch....

Well, I don't think I ever want kids because I really don't have the patience or the niceness, but if ever I do... I wouldn't name them any one of these names...

Happy Groping!

Twelfth post

ok...sorry I didnt post last night, but I wasn't home... and I don't exactly have tim to write 2 entries today so I'm gonna skip Friday's post!

Sorry!
 Happy Groping!

p.s. today's post will be up later

Eleventh post

Hey blog buddies! We're getting close to Christmas!!!! 15 days exactly! I'm already super excited... If you can't tell....

So, seeing as today's Thursday, that means I'm going to write about a current event.

This isn't exactly CURRENT, but I figured I wanna talk about it anyway. John and Kate plus ten million snotty and smelly kids. Do you realize how screwed up these kids are gonna be when they grow up? Like,  Michael Jackson's kids and these children are gonna be tight. Like Paris and Nicole; Lindsay Lohan and crack-pipe, Tiger and prostitutes. you know?  Speaking of Lindsay Lohan, how's she doing anyway? Last I heard, she was best friends with the guy that lives under the Paris street bridge... just sayin...

So anyway, apparently John wasn't getting enough ass at home and decided to cheat on his wife; which I don't understand because they have like 10 million children, how much sex does one guy need? Which leads me to my next point: Did you know that like 60% of people in a commited relationship have cheated on their partner? (I'm not sure if these stats are right, but I think the numbers are close enough) Apparently it's the new fad. If you're not cheating, you're a pussy-whipped amish.

You know what's even more sad though? The fact that they're reaping HUGE benefits from displaying their children to the world. Isn't that, like, considered child porn? Just sayin, but I think the definition of porn is: "material which someone can get off to" Nowhere does it say that they have to be naked, although apparently it helps... So, that being said, we can all sue our parents for filming us as a child for potential mass distribution... (for those who take everything seriously, this is a joke... :p) But seriously, making money for displaying your children and their everyday lives, That's definetly comparable to earning money for wearing matching socks. Who wouldn't wanna have twenty thousdan kids and make $100 000 a week just for becoming pregnat a large amount of times? I'd consider a sex change for that deal.... (KIDDING! I like my penis just the way it is thank you very much)... And why are they even famous anyway? who cares how many kids they have? They should also make a series about women that have a bunch of cats because they can't get laid...

Well, that's it for aujourd'hui!

Happy Groping!

Tenth post

Hey Blog Buddies! I love thy snowday!

 I know you missed me yesterday, but I fugured I would make today's extra speical by ripping a song that everyone loved as a kid, no matter how much you deny it...

BARBIE GIRL!!!!

- Hi Barbie!
- Hi Ken!
- You wanna go for a ride?
- Sure, Ken!
- Jump in!

ok...we start off with them saying hi to each other. That's nice! OH! ok! geez, they don't waste any time eh? Get in my car so we can go and fuck somewhere... cool... who needs pickup
lines anyway?

I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation
Come on Barbie, let's go party!

She's a bimbo in a bimbo world... speaks for itself... OH! she likes being made out of plastic! I bet her credit card company does too! (that, or she's promoting safe sex...)  Yep...you can brush her hair, but she really wants you to undress her everywhere (in the park, in the restaurant, in the library, in the daycare...) Now, when "Ken" says let's go party, I think he means the proverbial party in his pants. If this is the case, (since Barbie is made from plastic and therefore doesn't catch on easily) he should have said:" I wanna fuck you, let's go." Which I don't really understand, because if you were already okay with being naked in public, why not just get two naked people and make them get close together and further away from each other, then closer to each other, then further away from each other and so on until...you know... they get bored.

I'm a blond bimbo girl, in the fantasy world
Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly
You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink,
kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky...
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"

At least she admits she's a bimbo... I know many girls who wouldn't do that even though they are major bimbos. "dress me up": make up your mind bitch! how do you want it? with or without clothes? Oh!  and make her tight?... huh... that's not something a girl says very often... She probably just messed up her words and wanted to say "I AM tight" Oh, she wants to be my dolly... She wants me to use her? that's pretty skanky! And then she says you can do whatever you want to me as long as you tell me you love me. Nowhere does it say you have to mean it....

Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(uu-oooh-u)
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(Ah-ah-ah-yeah)
Come on Barbie, let's go party!
(uu-oooh-u)

This guys is super insistent on getting her to "party" with him... there's a group for people like him... it's called "sexaholics anonymous"

Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please
I can act like a star, I can bend on my knees
Come jump in, bimbo friend, let us do it again,
hit the town, fool around, let's go party
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"
You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours"

She can act like a star and bend on her knees.... First of all, hookers aren't stars, they're prostitutes. Secondly, She is either refering to oral se or doggy style position... either way, that's nothing to be proud of...
OH YAY! she's finaly gonna go "party" with him! h and don't forget to say "I'm always yours" because then she might realize that you're only in it for the sex... SSSHHHH!!!!!

And then they repeat the whole :"come on barbie let's go party" and "Im a barbie girl in a barbie world" thing a few times...

Oh, I'm having so much fun!
Well Barbie, we're just getting started
Oh, I love you Ken!

Oh good! Barbie's satisfying her sexual needs and so is Ken... (you sratch my back, I'll scrath yours type thing) OH! they're just getting started...Brace yourself Barbie...

And she loves Ken... duh! He probably has a cock the size of a horse's...that's why you love him....


So...after doing this entry, I realized that this song has to be one of the biggest guilty pleasures of all time....

Happy Groping!

Ninth post

Good evening blog buddies! Hope ya'll are well!

IIIIIIIIIIITTTTTT'SsSSSS Monday!

Let's get right to it....

• Get up promptly at 6:40Am; On time! first time in weeeks!
• Shower... Brother runs water after telling him specificaly to please not run the water.. Asshole much? I know he did it on purpose...
• Running around looking for my pants... yep...I lost a pair of my school pants! How does someone lose school pants? Seriously! I think I would've known if I'd taken them off at school! (which I didn't)
• Chase Tank around the house because she has one of my mitts
• I don't know ehere all the time went, but I'm officially running late and I GOTTA LEAVE NOW!
• Traffic's retarded! Why can't people just carpool? seriously!
• Get to school kinda late (in Mme MacKinnon's homeroom, if you're anything past 8:16, you're late), use my Student Council excuse as a "get out of detention free" card.
• Religion... Mme Taillefer's in a better mood today, drew an ostrich for my totem pole plan... looked more like a Dr. Seuss character
• Functions: Mme Lacquerre still won't let us play games... apparently test revision is more important... WHATEVA!
• Blah Blah Blah...school sucks, Monday's suck..... Blah Blah Blah
• Calculus... God is out to get me... I had to choose between fixing my test and losing marks for needing more time to finnish or just ettign her correct my test "as is" FML! what the fuck was I supposed to do? Of course I just fixed my test because I'm a perfectionnist, but shit, Mme Lacquerre is on the rag I think.... just sayin!
• English... I made point #1 of my 27 point essay.... Realized I'm getting nowhere... Really regretting not reading the English novel now.... stupid Stoned Angel...
• Physics... Oh joy! I have a test tomorrow... Oh well... shit happens.. Physics is for lifelong virgins anyway.... you know the type, the ones that look like this:

• Getting ready to leave school... Seriously...it smelled like salmon covered in asshole in the hallway.. I dunno what it was but damn!
• Uneventful ride home... just figured I'd tell you about it
• Getting ready to do my homework... didn't bring physics home.. I have a test tomorrow.. oh well!
• Finaly got my step-dad to change my winter tires.... He tells me he needs my help...ugh! fine! but we all know that garage=dirt and dirt + me= bitching. So whatever, I'll help, I have absolutely no idea what to do but fine! Who the fuck knew taht when you change your tires at home, you have to pretend you're a fucking nascar pitstop crew member and it's like somekind of race to jack that car up (my job) and run around the car with that really loud drill thing and toss the tires around like basketballs. Seriously.. he was like: "k...Socket please" and I was like: "I beg your pardon? Did u just ask me to suck it?" So he's like flying around my car and I'm watching him and apparently I'm supposed to be doing something because he's giving me that "aren't you gonna do something" look. apparently I was supposed to move the jack to the other side of the car, but I didn't know he was done! So I move the jack and starrtt pumping that post thing that makes the car go up, and he's like:"ok, now we're gonna change the tires on the other side." and I was like (to myself):" well I hope so shithead" ... as if he thoguht I was some kinda kid... So that went without error, save the fact that it was some kinda race to see how fast he could get a tire off... like he was competing to win some kind of medal or something...
• Updating my Ipod, playing farmville and writting this post for you guys is what I've been doing for the last 10 minutes... I just realized 5 things.

1. Farmville is ingenious
2. I'm gonna die alone with cats (so will Liane)
3. I don't do physical  labour apparently. but my explanation is: "Why should I do it, if I can pay someone else to it?"
4. I now believe people when they say that I'm high maintnance
5. my initials make a french swear... (estie! haha! get it? S-T!!)

Happy Groping!

Eighth post

Happy 19 days til Christmas blog buddies!

Event of the week.. hm... tough one... I think I'll just write about a collection of epic moments which have happend this week....

1. Isn't it obvious that if you want you measure force, you use a force measurer? Apprently you have to use this really obscure formula, which is force=mass x acceleration... But a force measurer would just be sooo much easier! M. Rochon didn't think so, but who the fuck is he anyway? His hair makes me laugh! Oh and while we're talking about physics... take a look at this solution to a force problem....

Now don't you agree with me when I say that a force measurer would just make life soo much easier. However, when I asked M. Rochon if such a thing existed, he laughed in my face... nice!

Oh... and let us evaluate how long this solution was... A whole page! for what? just to figure out the tension in a cord that doesn't even fucking exist!

2. So Friday night, Liane and I go shopping and to see a movie (seems to be a ritual by now), and to keep ourselves amused, we go to Starbucks and get whatever, pick up a cosmo at chapters and want to take a picture in the teacup in the the kids section of Chapters because we're that cool... Then some ass-dick-fucker-bitch comes along and tells us that we're not allowed taking pictures... THAT'S DUMB! but whatever, because I think kayla Gallo was fast enough to take the picture. SHE Wasn't... nope...apparently using a cell-phone camera is some kind of professional photography instrument requiring one to wait 5 minutes before snapping a picture. SHIT! oh well, we'll try again Liane!

3. Oh calculus.... the love of my life... pffft. whatever! So I'm writting a test on Friday morning, 3rd period. the last question is:

Who the fuck cares what the value of "fancy k" is?!?! Seriously!

Someone (whose name I won't mention) told me they got the right answer. I said to myself: "Well, congratu-fuckin-lations you dick! you can figure out what the value of "fancy k" is, but do you know how to wipe your own ass? I didn't think so!" See, the solution to this gives you nothing in life. Replace that problem with this though, then it might be a little more useful!

That's more like it! But if you look at what the problem asks... The dumbass doesn't even remember how many people he invited to his party.... The more logic solution would be to buy a truckload of alcohol, tell everyone to drink til they pass out, then save the leftovers for the next party. DUH!

Happy Groping!

Seventh Post

Hey Blog Buddies!

Sigh... it's been a whole week since I first started writting this blog... WHAT FUN! I can't belive how much fun this is! (no sarcasm there)

So...let's talk about the freak that the freaks consider a freak! Marilyn  Manson... **EEEKKKK**

Oh hey there sexy thang!!!

Ya... wow.... just wow.... this guy is sooo astronomicaly weird... Did you know that his real name is Brian Hugh Warner? Neither did I, but Wikipedia knows everything...

He named his first "big" album :"Smells Like Children"... hmmm... I'm trying like, really hard to figure out a way that these words are seemingly harmless, to no avail. Smells Like Children.... That's exacly what I said this morning when I woke up! oh no! wait! that was coffee... This guy is just fucked... so his name is Marilyn Manson.... Do you know where taht name is derived from? Marylin monroe and Charles Manson (a serial killer)... nice... so let us put the name of a celeb and a serial killer together and see what we get...

1. Beyonce Woodcock

2.Lady Gilbert

3. Madonna Bundy

So.... if ever you're looking to become some weird freakazoid famous celebrity, just remember this blog if you can't figure out a name!

Ok.....

Umm....where's your penis?

OH MY GOD!!!!! poor child! This is probably why he's so fucked in the head! He must have lost his junk in some fatal childhood accident! SHIT! I wonder how it happend though!!!

Here's my list of possibilities:

1. Attack by killer bees or snake... he probably got stung/bit on the dick and had to bite his own dick off so that the venom didn't spread... very plausible possibility!

2. Probably cut it off while he was splitting wood because his parents were poor and forced the poor kid to chop wood all the time because the father was an alcoholic and the mother had 20 kids to take care of with another on the way.... OH! this probably didn't happen.... he would've had to have had the balls of  an 80 year old (very saggy!)  in order to cut them off by accident.... You know... they should make a ball bra for old men... seriously! imagine stepping on your own balls!?!?!?! YEEEOUCH!

3. Possibly used a flavored condom and someone bit it off....

OH! no nipples! that's cool! mine are removable too Marilyn! HA! Betcha didn't know that! And your body is very...umm...smooth Marylin what's your secret??? oH! please don't say that really weird, awkward hair sandpaper stuff! That shit's scary!

Well...there's exactly 20 days til Christmas and it's not coming fast enough for me!

See you guys tomorrow!

Happy groping!

Sixth entry

Happy Friday everyone! that must have been the longest week of my life... BUUUTT!!!! There's only 21 days left til Christmas! That's a plus!

So... today being Friday, I get to write about WHATEVER I want. Alas, I can't think of what to write about. OH! got it! New Moon! Come on... we all knew it was coming! You guys know I wouldn't leave that stone unturned...


So let's start off with the extremly wide gamma of emotions Kristen Stewart can portray... here's a little table I've created depicting her in different stages of emotion:

Huh... she's good eh? She can do every emotion known to human with the exact same face! In fact she does! throught the whole fucking movie for Christ's sake! Your face moves! Oh! and what`s with the weird sound they make every time they kiss? Seriously? it's some kind of weird moan... premature ejaculation maybe? Oh!  and I'm not sure I understand why Jacob has to be shirtless most of the movie. Like: "oh! your face is bleeding, let me take off my shirt!" and he just walks around with his little gangbang-wolf-man buddies all the time radnomly turning into wolves...

OH! let's not forget that whether you be from Team Edward or Team Jacob, there was a shirtless scene for you! Remember at the end, when Edward's shirtless and Bella's running to save him? Well apparently, Edward's body is so captivating that Bella must run in sow motion... NIIIIIIIICCCCCEEEEEeEE BOOOOOOODDDDDDYYYY, SLOOWWWWWW DOOOOOOWWWWWNNNNNN so that everyone in the theatre can see it too..... (in slo-mo voice)..

I couldn't help but laugh when Bella gets thrown accross the room and starts to bleed. Once again, she has the same face, but looks chinese... She just does this weird little squinting thing....


huh... who would've known we could have made a comparison to these two people:

Beautiful aren't they?

Well, I guess that's all for me tonight... I;m getting a little tired.

Happy Groping!

Fifth post

Tiger, Tiger, Tiger...

I guess he learned fast that money buys hookers... and alot of money buys good hookers (not those diseased ones you see struttin their cabooses on Elm street). So his wife finds out right, and goes all Ape shit on him... Apparently she's one of those:"If you don't want me, you can't have anybody" type wives... You know the kind... the ones that try and castrate you while you sleep and then try to sell the severage on Ebay for oodles and caboodles of dollars... Yep...the life of a millionnaire. And let us just think of why he's rich in the first place. He plays Golf! that's like saying someone who knits should be a millionnaire. I mean, the sport is considered one for retirees, and so is knitting, sleeping, bringing-your-favortie-item-on-the-antique-roadshow-to-realize-it's-worth-next-to-nothing-and-getting-it-all-on-camera-just-so-everyone-else-in-the-world-can-see-the-priceless-look-on-your-face. So.... we should award huge amounts of money, green blazers(which are really ugly might I add), and big shiny trophies to winners in all these activities, because they are, after all, activites and not sports. I mean, if you can consider swinging a 8-10 pound stick to hit a minuscule ball a big money sport, then we have to consider drive-through ordering, gingerbread house decorating, Scrabble and Monopoly as part of the "I become rich and famous by doing simple actions" group.

Oh! and how did this whole Tiger woods dilema start? Over a car crash. Apparently when you get in an accident, you have to tell the world every single one of your sins.  Like BANG! "Oh shit.. k, I'm sorry I stole the cookies from the cookie jar, I cheated on my wife, I lied, I killed someone, I stole something..." and you just have to sit there in front of a camera and microphone for days and days saying all of your sins so that every person watching can judge you. And apparently if you forget something, your wife comes  after you and tries to kill you. NICE! (side note: first sign of snow and people have their snowmachines out already... there's barely any snow fuck-face! go put your little toy away before you  hurt yourself!... IDIOT!) anyway..

So this Rachel chick (the girl Tiger was having an affair with) was supposed to do a press conference right. And apparently, Tiger paid her $1 000 000 to not do it. Seriously, if I was in that situation, I would make him pay more... FUCK! take him for all he's got! House and all!

Hell, I'd even pretend to have an affair with Tiger for a million bucks! Easiest money of my life! Of course, I'd be seen as a skank for the rest of my life, but who gives a shit! I've got a million of Tiger Woods' dollars! I'd wipe my ass with $100 bills! (for a little while anyway)

So, thinking about having a million dollars, here's what I would buy:

1. NIIIICEEEE car!
2. Big ole house with a tiger as a front gate guard
3. A monkey
4. Mechanical Bull
5. lifetime supply of Q-Tips
6. A special parking spot for me at school
7. A big ass sign that says "I'm rich, bitch!"
8. A small donation to charity (of course, only after I've bought everything I wanted)

Well, I guess that's it for today... See you guys tomorrow!

Happy Groping!

Fourth blog

I know I'm supposed to take Tuesday off, but it turns out I have soooooo much more to do tomorrow night so I squeezed this in... just for you guys! I will be taking tomorrow off.

*****************************************************************************************

Hey blog buddies! It's Wednesday (figuratively), and we all know what that means!!! "Lyrics ripping!" Before I start, I just want y'all (yes, insert western accent) to know that this doesn't mean I don't like the song..


After much hard thought, this week's lucky winner is "Wannabe" by the Spicegirls...

First of all... if you have sooo much trouble writting a song that you have to repeat the same sentence 76 times in your song, you shouldn't have been allowed to exit the womb, just sayin!

Chorus: Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,
So tell me what you want, what you really really want,
I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really
really really wanna zigazig ha.

 ok what? what did this opening stanza convey to us? Seriously, "I'll tell you what I want so you can tell me what you want"? What the hell does that even mean, if not telling young, virgin ears that if you want sex, you'll get sex (jut ask)! and "I wanna zigazig" wow... they are either refering to rolling papers, or most likely sex... as we read "ha" at the end, it seems innocent enough. HAVE YOU EVER HEARD HOW THEY SAY IT???? it's like pornogasm on tape! Little boys listen to this and wonder why their "peepees" are acting all strange all of a sudden!

If you want my future forget my past,
If you wanna get with me better make it fast,
Now don't go wasting my precious time,
Get your act together we could be just fine

 huh... they're purposely insinuating :"it doesn't matter what I've done, FUCK ME ANYWAY now, because you're competing with the other guy for my fine english ass." And as we read the third verse of that stanza, we realize that they ain't no cheap sluts either. They run the expensive corners! (off the record, that's the kind of hookers a pimp wants)


And then we repeat the chorus again. How fun! I just want to pay special attention to the second last verse of the chorus: "I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really.." When you listen to this, they do this weird gasp in between the "I wanna's" ... I'll let you comtemplate that...

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,
Make it last forever friendship never ends,
If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,
Taking is too easy, but that's the way it is.
What do you think about that now you know how I feel,
Say you can handle my love are you for real,
I won't be hasty, I'll give you a try
If you really bug me then I'll say goodbye.

So... she's saying if you wanna screw me, let's have an orgy that lasts forever where you will be the one giving and not taking... Thank GOD! because if he rathered taking it, well, he really wouldn't wanna be with you in the first place now would he?  Then she goes on to say "I really want it, but don't bug me or you're gone..." huh... pms I think...

At this point, the song hasn't been THAT bad... alot of indirect sexual links... But here's where it gets steamy!

So here's a story from A to Z, you wanna get with me

you gotta listen carefully,
We got Em in the place who likes it in your face,
we got G like MC who likes it on an
Easy V doesn't come for free, she's a real lady,
and as for me you'll see,
Slam your body down and wind it all around
Slam your body down and wind it all around.

 ok..."Listen!" she says, "because this is important!" fine... OH! Em likes getting her vag licked... nice...kids now know what "Em likes"! oh... ok, G and M like it... oh! she got cut off! because Easy V doesn't come for free... Umm... yes it does....that's why they call it easy.... 

"slam your body down and wind it all around" and they say this a few times... I think what they're descrbing is also known as sex... you know, in and out, in and out, in and out, in and out... (k, you get it) but she likes it rough so she wants him to slam her and wind around... Now that's artistic!

And the song ends with:

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta,

you gotta, you gotta, slam, slam, slam, slam
Slam your body down and wind it all around.
Slam your body down and wind it all around.
Slam your body down and wind it all around.
Slam your body down zigazig ah
If you wanna be my lover.

ok.. if I want to be HER lover, I gotta slam her repeatedly... OOHH!!!! I get it!  OH! and don't forget to keep on winding! Oh and when you finnish, slam your body down and make loud pornogasm sounds! (all just to be her lover)



Ok....I love that song! Even more now that I've done a complete analysis on it... I hope you all learnt a little something from this... I learnt that to be with "her" you gotta slam your body into her repeatedly, all while "winding" and end with pornogasmic sounds! That's alot of work! OH! and apprently, Easy girls aren't free! huh, who knew? educational and entertaining at the same time!


Happy Groping!

P.S. For those who are watching the music video for this (which I suggest you do), as the black girl turns around and starts singing the song in that weird entrence (like 30 seconds into the vid), you see she is a professional glass cutter with those nipples!

Third entry!

Hey blog buddies!!!

So, Today's Monday and it's time for me to describe to you my day. Seeing as Monday is usualy the worst day of the work/school week, today was no exception.

6:40 - get up, late...as per usual...

6:50- Shower, yell at brotehr to knock before entering bathroom with closed door... to which he replies:" I didn't know anybody was in here!" to which I reply :" well shit! since when does the shower turn itself on and the ghost magicaly start singing to every song he knows playing on the radio??"

7:10- Finaly emerge from a steam-filled bathroom in which I purposely take my time knowing that my brother needs to piss like a race horse. Happy Monday Zack!

7:12- Breakfast consisting of Cheerios! YAY! nothing problematic concerning breakfast!

7:20- Getting dressed, can't find my tie... Start yelling at Zack because I have to vent somehow... appologize when I find it... then I realize why my brother calls me a bitch all the time.

7:30- Start car...run back inside because it's like WINTER FUCKING WONDERLAND outside!

7:35- Do an e-mail check... computer freezes... shut off computer, yell at it, stomp around the house and appologise to Zack for being a bitch all morning.

7:40- Grab tea and go to car with all my junk. Fuck life! windshield-wipers are broken... meh... let's go! who needs those anyway?

7:40:30 - Stop on side of road... wipe off windshield with squeegee... make it look like im cleaning off my car in order to not look weird....

7:41- We're on the highway! ANNNDD HEEEEERE we go!

8:05- arrive at school... on time.... huh! cool!

8:35- French class.... watched a movie... made fun of the characters with Liane... Laughed at our imaginating them fornicating on the cash register... not one of those new registers either... I'm talking HUGE BITCH. The one you need-to-oil-so-the-numbers-don't-stick-son-of-a-bitch cash register!!! Oh! and the french term for "neck kink" is torti-colli for those who were wondering!

9:20- Religion: YAY totem poles... Seriously though... what are totem poles if not a huge orgy of random animals eh? PREGGERS! Like imagine the outcome of a beaver-turtle-wolf-eagle? that'd be FUCKED!

10:16- Advanced functions: Sill not allowed to play a game... working on it... Mme Lacquerre's a hard-ass.... Realized that "creuser" (as in to dig) is a really fun word... especially when you add the phlegm to the "R".. so it becomes CRRRRRRRRRRR(insert phlegm)RRRRRRRRRRRReuser. huh! weird!

nothing eventful happens til Lunch

Lunch: DRAMAA!!! bitch fits, girl fights and PMS-galore~!~ Seriously.... it was like elementary school (aka puberty central). Get over yourselves and your differences bitches!

12:58 Physics (fuck life up the ass with something hard and sand-papery): Still don't know what I'm doing... M. Rochon's a dick because he laughs at my difficulties, it's all good though, because physics is for people who can't do anything better in life. Drew an explanatory graph of the whole lunch drama for Chantal and Brianne.... makes perfect sense... here it is... (maybe this is why I know not what we are doing in Physics)

So anyway...

that's about it for the school day.

So my mom calls me and asks me to pick up mushrooms for supper at the grocery store... GREAT! not like I wanted to get home or anything... NOO!!!! so I go into the grocery store and half the mushrooms are brown... as far as I know.. mushrooms ain't supposed to be shitty brown... Then the lady want to charge me like $5.00 for a little wee tray of shrooms... and I'm like: "Umm....what?" ( as any person would say) and she's like... oh ya! I thoguht that didn't sound right. Then I'm like: "well, why didn't you say something when you first scanned it dipshit?" (omit last word, as swearing gets you nowhere unless you're arguing with some toothless hick from down yonder.)... so whatever... got my mom's mushrooms... (hmm.. MUSH-rooms.... sounds appetizing eh?) and I go home... and I enjoy a nice supper.

After supper, Zack and I go outside to build a snowman... I'm busting my ass off trying to make the snow stick even though we both know that if the snow's not sticky, it ain't gonna stick.. but that's beyond the point. The little shit-head decides, "oh! let's hrow snow at his because I think he'll like it".. ya whatever! I tackled that kid to the ground and made him eat snow! He's still mad at me....

Well, that's all for tonight folks. I am now doing some last minute homework. Note that I will not be doing an entry tomorrow because it's my most academic day of the week, and its on Tuesday's that I do all my homework... See ya Wednesday for my first weekly lyric ripping! (song to be determined!)

Happy Groping!

Plan of the blog and Sunday's entry!

Hey blog buddies!

So I've come up with a plan. This is the schedule I will follow on my blog. It's pretty much gonna be the pattern for every week.

Mondays: Since they are usually the worst days of the week.. This is the day I will describe to you. I will write my whole entry just about my day and it's happenings.

Tuesdays: This is the say of the week that I will be taking off.... It's my busiest day so... suck my balls if you don't like it...

Wednesdays: Lyric ripping! I'm gonna copy and paste the lyrics of a song. I will then criticize the lyrics, ripping on the artist/song.

Thursday: We'll start off with my opinion on a current/controversial affair in the world

Friday: Random post... I'll talk about whatever I want. I may not post until Saturday morning, but it'll still count as my Friday post.

Saturday: Celebrity slashing... speaks for itself.

Sunday: We'll talk about the highlight of my week and reflect upon how it affects my outlook on life... BULLSHIT!

                                           ****************************************

So, let's get started!

Hmm.....event of the week. OH! it must have been the Starbucks run on Thursday afternoon... WOW! k... so, everything's all normal and such... Driving down the Kingsway (HOLY SHIT! you don't realize how long that road actually is until you drive from one end to the other and then realize you're going the wrong way), turn into the parking lot. k.. everything's good so far eh? no! go to find a parking spot... NOTHING within a fucking mile from Starbucks.. what is the world comming to? Anyway.. Finaly find a parking spot like wayyyy down by Staples, make my way into Starbucks and the line up is like 5 miles long... Its going around by the door, then down around the window to the left of the door, then into Chapters by the first magazine rack... NICE! Happy 29 days til Christmas to you too! anyway... it's all good... Im a Starbucks addict so of course I waited. It wasn't that bad... Then you get to the counter and you get a noob Barista taking your order. You know this is gonna be fun so you make the drink as complicated as possible (I already get a complicated drink anyway, so I just added extra-hot) so I order a decaf, non-fat, no-whip,  extra-hot, peppermint, White-Mocca and the guy does nothing... Like NOTHING! I thought he died, he just stood there and looked at me... no expression. (I kinda thoguht maybe he was liek a zombie, in which case I would have to jump over the counter and tackle him because we all know that's how you surprise a zombie barista!) So then he's FINALY like: "Uhh... can u repeat that?" so I do. and then get the same look... I'm like "jesus fuck! since when does Starbucks hire zombies?" so he calls over this otehr girl... and I say the drink one last time and she's like "press this, this and this" to the new guy (who wasn't even good looking... I mean, had he been even REMOTELY hot, I would've been more sympathetic.. but no!). So he presses the buttons and my drink comes up to 4.45... cool! kay...finaly! so you walk over to the other side where you wait patiently for the quietest barista there is to "yell" out your drink. I barely even heard her... anyway, get my drink 5 minutes later and I leave... What fun!

Anyway... that was a pretty boring highlight of my week, but it was boring week to begin with...

Moral of the story: Teasing new zombie baristas by ordering complicated drinks is fun... we should all try it!

Happy Groping!

First post... YAY ME!

Hi... so... wow... k, this is kinda intimidating... you have this huge space just... THERE waiting to wrote on. So let's start off with my day.


1. Wake up....it's... FUCK! 7:23 AM precisely... hmm... k... Where's the dog? OHHHH!!!! Dog's on the floor...
2. Let's put the dog out.
3. Bring the dog in fast before she gets impregnated by a huge husky roaming about... nice...
4. Shower. I washed myself REAAAALLLLL good... (oh my!)
5. Watched The Wizard of Oz... realized the original idea was probably thought up while the author was high on the 18th century equivalent of crystal meth....
6. Went to brother's hockey game...
7. Still at brother's hockey game....
8. Yep, still here, seems to last forever... stupid cold, damp, smells-like-dirty-man, loud arena... what is one supposed to do in this environment for two hours eh?
9. Hockey's done..  woot woot!...
10. Supper... Wow...not too bad of a day got worse... food tasted like sand... not even nice beach sand... dirty, shit-brown sand...
11. Practicing my loud, obnoxious, amazing bird calls.... I think I got the cockatoo pretty good...
12. TWENTY-SEVEN days til Christmas... nothing's done...how great! Yet, no worries, as long as I'm arround, there'l always be Christmas spirit... (unless you piss me off, fuck-face!)

well... that wasn't soo hard...

OH! I gotta think of a really cool closing sentence/goodbye to put at the end of my posts.. Something that cool people like Lady Gaga and Mel Gibson would be jealous of...

OOHH!!!!!!!! GOT IT!

Happy Groping!