Thirteenth entry

Sorry once again blog buddies! i really had good intentions to make last night's post but alas, I had no time to do it.

now I need a celeb to tear apart... Got it!

A pot-pourri of celebs that call their kids weird names. Seriously, do they want their kids to be teased at school for being named after a fruit? Or... well, let's just take a look...

Apple: Oh my shit! seriously? How high does someone have to be to come up with a name like Apple? This poor girl is gonna be bitten so many times... Like, she's gonna go to play dates, where they're gonna have apples as a snack. When the mom says:" take a bite of your apple." the kids are all gonna go temporarily cannibals! And when she gets laid, all the other person's gonna think about is: "Shit! I'm fucking an apple!" I mean, you kind of expect a weird name comming from someone name Gwyneth (cringe) and how do you com up with a name like that anyway? Would it be like when Newton came up with the theorem of gravity? "Fuck! an apple fell on me! Hey! I'm gonna name my kid Apple" I just really hope her last name isn't Paltrow. Apple Paltrow... wow... I'm sorry!

Sage Moonblood: Son of Sylvester Stallone. It doesnt exactly surprise me that the actor in Rambo named his son somethign to do with blood. But I think that somethign like Sage Stabblood would be more appropriate... And Sage? where the hell does that come from? Ancient Egypt perhaps? the guy's surely old enough!  But seeing as this is Sylvester Stallone's son, I'd say he's lucky!

Prince Michael II (blanket): Son of M.J. OK, I think the whole naming of his first son Prince Michael is a little weird to begin with, but could this man not be original enough to come up with another name? Adding 2 to the end of a name doesn't make it different! So, of course, there being 2 Prince Michaels in the house, you'd have to come up with a cool nickname right? I'd think somethign along the lines of Little MJ or something, but no. Michael called him "Blanket" at first this seems not tooo bad, but when you think of it... that's just disturbing! Think about it! What do you do with a blanket? FREAK!

Diva Thin Muffin: Daughter of Frank Zappa. Zappa was a funny guy, bu tthese names are unnacceptable! Diva Thin Muffin.... I don't even wanna know where that name came from. How can you put the three most random words in the world together and make a proper name for someone? And seeing as you never use the middle name, this poor chid's name is Diva Thin.... I just hope she's a huge bitch! Seriously, it'd be the funniest shit ever... Like: "Here comes Thin Diva!" Then BAAAMM! there she is! 

Bronx Mowgli: son of Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz. Bronx is a place right? in NY if I'm not mistaken? and Mowgli is that weird naked kid in the Jungle Book right? (off record: can someone PLEASE give the kid in the Jungle Book a Twinkie!) This kid is gonna be known as the jungle kid of New York... Seriously, you're gonna see this kid swinging from vines on the telephone poles and peeing in the poor old lady's planters. His friends are gonna call him Jungle Boy!

Kal-El Coppola: Son of Nicholas Cage. I think somethign went wrong. Kal-El? That's like, space talk! This is the kinda kid who wears underwear on his head in public, makes  helmets out of metal colanders and wire hangers (ok, I tried to go and make one and put it on and take a pic to post here, but my hair looks really really really bad today and the helmet didn't turn out anyway, so scratch that out, just picture it in your head!)

Petal Rainbow Blossom: Daughter of Jamie Oliver. Fuck life! I want a name like this! all fluffed up and pretty-pink-perfect-purple... On the other hand, she'll never need to think of a porn star name for herself... Oh! and it's kids with names like these who grow up to become bitches.... or nuns....

Zuma Nesta Rock: son of Gwen Steffani. ok...I don't even wanna go there but, it's pretty bad when two of the names are't even English, if any language for that matter... then you just add in an awkward Rock... that's like naming your kid Purple Princess Cockmunch....

Well, I don't think I ever want kids because I really don't have the patience or the niceness, but if ever I do... I wouldn't name them any one of these names...

Happy Groping!