The dreaded - "Friday"

Hey blog buddies! So you probably thought that I had forgotten about you again... That I had fallen off the bandwagon one more time... But I haven't! I plan on being a little more frequent these days now that school is over. So I got a lot of good feedback from the "Born This Way" piece I wrote last time... I figured I might as well pick another song to rip apart this time... You will also notice that the last post I did also brought along a few changes to my blog, including a new layout and some new music...


And what a better piece to do than "Friday" If you haven't seen it yet, it's rather horrible...but you can watch it  by clicking here

7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends 

-I don't ever remember one morning, waking up and having my makeup on and my hair did... just gonna say that much right away.
- "Gotta be fresh"? really? you are so white you make Britney Spears look like Tupac. You can't say "Gotta be fresh"
-"Gotta have my bowl" yeeahh!!! that's what I'm talking about! Get out the weed and smoke a bowl you fucking stoner. And the cereal..gotta love the munchies! That rabbit on the cereal box must be trippy as fuck too while you're high.
-Yeah...that's what happens in the morning.. people rush... because people sleep in... and yeah.
-Why are you going to the bus stop to meet your friends? That's just bullshit... no reason for that. They can pick you up at home! Unless you're trying to not let your friends see the crackhouse you're currently living in... then going to the bus stop to meet your friends is totally acceptable.

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

Not sure if she's aware... but if there's someone kickin' in the front and someone sittin' in the back seat... and you STILL don't know which seat to take... There are 2 possible scenarios a)your friend is driving a van... in which case, he's pathetic. or b) you're a dumbass and your real seat is on the road, in front of the car. Lie down. It won't hurt for long.

It’s Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend

OH MY GOD! Did you hear? It's Friday! Holy fuck! I might as well right a song about it!....so that's what she did.. and to make things better, she repeats herself like she has some sort of OCD where she has to say the last word of every verse twice just so she can continue on her weekend, weekend.

Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

There are 2 things wrong with these lyrics.
1) they're not lyrics... they're 2 words and one sentence.
2)They suck.
First of all, you're 12. "Partyin'" for you means a sleepover with cartoons. Secondly, repeating the word "fun" 4 times in a row does not make a song... it makes a robot with a glitch.

7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

Are you even allowed to be on a highway? How old are your friends? Just a side note, by going faster, that does not, in turn, make time go faster... it just leads to increased risks of a collision... which I happens really soon in this song for the sake of my sanity. And there she goes adding the word "fun" all over the fucking place to make it seem like this is an actual song.
-"I got this, you got this" WHAT DO WE GOT? Please Rebecca Black. Tell me what we've got in common... because I still see nothing. You're as dumb as a stump.
-"The friend on her right" looks like a drunken accordion player in the music video..just an FYI

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today

wait. hold up. If today is Friday, that means yesterday is Thursday? Who knew? holy shit Rebecca Black! You might be on to something here... or you're just putting shit lyrics in this "song" to make it a full 3 minutes (of hell, I might add). And remember... because it's Friday, that means it's sleepover night. Tonight, we're featuring Mickey Mouse!
-And she goes on a bit of a stutter again...trying to add syllables to the verse by saying "we" over and over again.
-"Having a ball" now this doesn't just apply to this song... but how does one have a ball? Instead of a child, are you supposed to squeeze a sphere out of your vadge? If so, how is that interpreted as fun? Or..."having a ball" as in... consuming a man's testicle? Also... not very fun... Where does this shit come from?

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after...wards
I don’t want this weekend to end

I don't know if she's just reassuring herself or she thinks the rest of the world doesn't know the sequence of the days of the week... or she's at a further loss for lyrics... but why the fuck is she telling us that the day after Friday is Saturday and that Sunday comes after...wards. And why is there a huge fucking gap between after and wards... IT'S NOT 2 WORDS! and of course you don't want the weekend to end...it took you a whole song to figure out how long it is and how much "fun" you're going to have... by the time you sing about it all, it's going to be over.

R-B, Rebecca Black
So chillin’ in the front seat (In the front seat)
In the back seat (In the back seat)
I’m drivin’, cruisin’ (Yeah, yeah)
Fast lanes, switchin’ lanes
Wit’ a car up on my side (Woo!)
(C’mon) Passin’ by is a school bus in front of me
Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream
Check my time, it’s Friday, it’s a weekend
We gonna have fun, c’mon, c’mon, y’all

-Ew. do not refer to her as R-B, you large, black male perv.
-"chillin" here can be replaced with sexing... or screwing... or better yet, fucking. They be fucking ALL over the car.
-If you're going slow enough for a school bus to pass you, there is definitely some sort of problem... get yourself a real car asshole.
-"Makes tick tock, tick tock, wanna scream" What? I don't even want to know... seriously.
-EWWW... you're like... 50...she's 12. You cannot talk about Rebecca Black, you, and "fun" at the same time. this is wrong.


And the rest of the song is "fun" repeated 100 times...


I know it took me a while to get to this song... but please. Bear with me.


leave your comments below, I read every single one of them!
Any topics you would like for me to discuss can also be added below.
.Happy Groping!,

Bad Fashion Trends April 2011

I was sort of... bored today. I should be packing up my stuff...
Anyway... there are a few things I have to write about after going through all my old comments... Today, I chose to write about recent erm... "fashion" trends I've seen out and about...

Leggings

Eek. just eek. I don't know what else there really is to say... Sure, these are acceptable to be worn under a rather short skirt to make it not yell "fuck me" to the world, but when you start wearing leggings...and a regular shirt... and NOTHING ELSE, then there's a problem. I don't know why girls insist on wearing them....but nobody wants to see your fucking Camel Toe. Not just the camel toe though.... you got the double wedge going on. You got wedging in the front and wedging in the back. I'm sorry...but if I'm walking down the street and I can see the division in your vadge... there's a problem. 

See! Camel Toe. Not cool


Next on the agenda....
Man-staches.
I don't think I need to say too much about these...except that they're popping up EVERYWHERE.  I don't know what the appeal is for these things... they're ugly as fuck and make it look like there's a caterpillar living above you lip. I don't care how much you take care of it or groom it or trim it; if it's still there in any essence, it shouldn't. You look like a huge tool who lives in his parent's basement. There is absolutely nothing attractive about a stache. NUH-THING! So shave that bastard off, get yourself some clothes that fit and find yourself a fucking job.


Wrinkly/Crinkly clothes.
Yet another thing I do not find appealing in any sense... Sure, your parachute pants might have been all the fad when your grandparents were mating. Think about THAT whenever you reach for them the next time. But seriously... there's some sort of problem when you go to a store and see a shirt that has permanent wrinkles affixed in the fabric. If you ever want to be taken seriously, looking like you just got out of bed after a night of getting completely shmammed is not the way to go. It's called an iron, and everyone should take a 5 minute class on how to use one. 


Funky Coloured Animal Prints
THE SHAME! THE SHAME you should be experiencing if you've EVER worn anything from this collection of patterns. It looks like a cheetah got tripped out on acid. And the worst about it is that this pattern comes in every fucking article of clothing imaginable! from stockings to lingerie to hats. It's ridiculous! How do you expect do ever be taken seriously if your socks looks like a tiger got in a fight with a cotton candy machine? I'm not going to say much more about these...except I expect you to burn any article that has any of this tomfoolery on it/made from it. 


Leave your comments below and tell me what you think
.Happy Groping!,

Born This Way

Hey Blog buddies!
oh dear... it seems I have all but forgotten about this blog. I know most of you reading this have probably lost hope in me ever writing again... Hopefully I haven't lost my touch... or any of my faithful readers haha.


So....It's been so long... I can't even figure out what I'm going to write about...
Well. maybe I should pick a fan favourite and write about a song. Yes. a song. But which song exactly? There seems to be a panoply of fucking shitty ass songs lately everyfuckingwhere... hmm... I may get shot for this one... but I think, my song of choice for this week is...... Born This Way!


So... I'll admit.. I'm a fan of Gaga at the best of times, but it's SOOO easy and amusing to make fun of her. 
The video, which I will not analyze here... is also kind of fucky if you ask me...  you can watch it HERE  if you like... 


ANYWAY. That being said, I'll get started, because I know how much you guys have been looking forward to this.


So we start off with a rather slow intro of Gaga being monotone...what's new, right? If you're going to make a new song, change it up a bit.

It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M

Just put your paws up'

cause you were Born This Way, Baby

-So she's basically saying "I don't care if you're catholic or not, but you're going to buy my music and support my lavish lifestyle because I'm Lady fucking Gaga". 
-And why does she insist her fans have paws? I am appalled that you compare me to some animal. I cannot speak for my fellow humans, but I am 100% certain that I am not an animal.
-And just an F.Y.I. I was NOT born this way... I can't imagine squeezing my way out of a vadge at this size.... (and I know you guys are all picturing it now...you're VERY welcome)

MY MAMA TOLD ME WHEN I WAS YOUNG

WE ARE ALL BORN SUPERSTARS

SHE ROLLED MY HAIR AND PUT MY LIPSTICK ON

IN THE GLASS OF HER BOUDOIR

"THERE'S NOTHIN WRONG WITH LOVIN WHO YOU ARE"

SHE SAID, "'CAUSE HE MADE YOU PERFECT, BABE"

"SO HOLD YOUR HEAD UP GIRL AND YOU'LL GO FAR,

LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SAY"

-Your mom lied. It's as simple as that. we are NOT all born superstars... I was.. but I know people who weren't
-How do you roll hair? that doesn't even make sense... you obviously just needed  a one-syllable word here because "put my hair up" is too long and "whip my hair" was already taken.
-Wait.... hold up... why is your mom putting lipstick on you and doing your hair? I smell a hooker (not a pleasant smell in case anyone was wondering)
-Ok. I have to disagree with her mom here... whoever this eponymous "he" is... he did not make her perfect... she could be prettier... 
-And another couple wise words of wisdom here" hold your head up and you'll go far" . . . obviously... because if you keep your head down, you're likely to run into a pole or something...


ok. so then there's the chorus... there's not much wrong here... so I'll just skip the first part.

DON'T HIDE YOURSELF IN REGRET

JUST LOVE YOURSELF AND YOU'RE SET

I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY

I WAS BORN THIS WAY

-How do you hide in regret? That's like saying I'm gonna go hide myself in a bag of fucking umbrellas... conspicuous  as fuck if you ask me. 
-Lady Gaga... if you're trying to be a role model...telling people to love themselves and they'll be "happy" is not the way to go.  We have enough egotistical assholes around here if you ask me. 
-And this "right track business"...it's overrated.. the left track is where the candy is at.

DON'T BE A DRAG -JUST BE A QUEEN

DON'T BE A DRAG -JUST BE A QUEEN

DON'T BE A DRAG -JUST BE A QUEEN

-These lines kinda creep me out... not because of what they say...but because she says them in her creey monotone voice like she's trying to brain wash us...
-And what the fuck is she even trying to say here? Don't be a drag... but be a queen... I am the fucking queen. Why would I even want to be a drag queen....Has anyone seen a real drag queen? They can be creepy as all fuck. Here... check it out. 

Tasty...right? Now you're all going to have nightmares.


BACK TO THE SONG.

GIVE YOURSELF PRUDENCE

AND LOVE YOUR FRIENDS

SUBWAY KID, REJOICE YOUR TRUTH

-Lady Gaga! Why do you speak to us in code? First you say were animals...now you're trying to mind fuck us back to nowhere. 
-And why do you want the kid at Subway to rejoice his truth? What does that even mean?
Subway kid says: "I EAT AT SUBWAY BECAUSE I WANT TO LOOSE WEIGHT LIKE THAT JARED GUY!" 
Really? What are we supposed to earn from that shit?

A DIFFERENT LOVER IS NOT A SIN

BELIEVE CAPITAL H-I-M (HEY HEY HEY)

Further proof she is a hooker. PROSTITUTION IS A SIN! EVERYONE! THROW ROCKS AT HER!

DON'T BE A DRAG, JUST BE A QUEEN

WHETHER YOU'RE BROKE OR EVERGREEN

YOU'RE BLACK, WHITE, BEIGE, CHOLA DESCENT

YOU'RE LEBANESE, YOU'RE ORIENT

WHETHER LIFE'S DISABILITIES

LEFT YOU OUTCAST, BULLIED, OR TEASED

REJOICE AND LOVE YOURSELF TODAY

'CAUSE BABY YOU WERE BORN THIS WAY

OHHHH SOO much wrong with this. This is the part I was most looking forward to... 
-There she goes with her monotone voice again... telling us to be drag queens... on the other hand.. i don't think I would make a very good drag queen. 
-So.... if you're poor... or a tree.... WHERE THE FUCK does everyone else fit in here? If you're living on the streets... or you're a maple tree... no. a maple tree isn't even evergreen.. you get to be an even shittier tree called the Pine Tree. 
-ok fine.. mentioning everyone... BUT why does she single out the lebanese? I never understood that. That's like saying: I like fruits and vegetables....and apples.
-and then there's not much else I can say about the rest of that stanza without looking like a total prick...so I'll just leave it at that


And that's about it... she repeats things I've already torn apart for the rest of the song.


Now that school's done, I promise you'll get more regular updates. I know you guys were scared for a bit. 


Leave suggestions for new topics in the comments!!!
Actually, just comment, I love reading them and there are far too few!

Happy Groping!

Merry Christmas!

OK OK OK

I know it's been like, forever since I've written anything in here. And I'm sorry. I've recently heard that I have more fans than I originally thought.

Therefore, I am hoping to write alot more. Well, a little more than once every 3 months that for sure. Ha. Yeah... we all know how well I stick to things when I say them haha.

Anyway. My blog today will be about fucking Christmas Carols. Like, Christmas is definitely my favourite holiday (with the exception of my birthday) but the stupid mother fucking songs people NEED to sing around this time of year.  So, I'll go down the list of songs that just tick me off and make me smack the off button on my radio.

"Grandma got run over my a reindeer"
What kind of sick mother fucker sings about how his grandmother was killed by Santa's "trusty" steeds? Like, come on.

"Do They Know it's Christmas"
Another stupid song... Who the fuck doesn't know it's Christmas. The fucking Jews know it's Christmas... even if they don't celebrate it. Like, unless you don't own a tv, a radio, never go shopping or do anything but lay in bed and stare at your ceiling.

"Jingle Bells"
ahaha... so the song itself isn't all that bad... but what if, like, it wasn't "jingle" bells; but like, some-other-onomatopoeia-kind-of-bells

"Twelve Days of Christmas"
Two words can efficiently describe how I feel about this song. SHUT UP. Hearing that your true love gave you 50 million fucking birds and song rings and a bunch of rando people does not make me very Christmassy.

Oh...and what is with all those sad Christmas songs... It's like, SHUT THE FUCK UP! it's Christmas. You can sing about all your other problems every other fucking day of the year.

Merry Christmas Everybody!

Happy Groping!

Airport fun

Hey blog buddies.

HAPPY READING WEEKKKKKK!!! and for those who don't get one... you suck. aha.

ANYWAY. funny thing happened to me yesterday. I had to catch a 9:30 flight from Ottawa to Sudbury.. no big deal.......you'd think. But I somehow managed to fuck it up, well, sorta.

So I figured I'd wake up nice and early at 6:00 and take my time, go for a shower, eat breakfast and make sure I packed everything I needed. Keep in mind that I had planned on arriving an hour before my flight left. SO I decide to check my itinerary and things seem to be on time.. then I realize it's about an hour bus ride from my house to the airport. It's currently 7:45 AM. oh YES! I'm sooo fucking pumped to run through the airport. I must say though, given the flights I've been on, about 60% of them involved some running. Then, as I realize I have to walk to the bus stop...I hurry the fuck up, get my coat and run downstairs with my huge luggage. I get outside. Fuck my fucking life... It's like minus 500 degrees outside. Then, just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, my lovely East Indian neighbour gives me a ride to the bus stop. YAY ME! it actually shaved about 10 minutes off my time. So I get on the bus and I swear my bus driver was Mother Theresa. She waited like 10 minutes at every stop just to make sure nobody else was getting on the fucking bus. LIKE, HELLOOOO! I have a plane to catch bitch face.

So I finally get to the airport and I have 4 minutes left for check in. Thank fucking god. I would have had a shit fit right there had I missed check in. Oh and the Ottawa airport isn't that busy, so I actually had just enough time to run and catch the first boarding call for my flight. It was BEAUTIFUL.

So yeah... the flight was pretty uneventful... I had a whole section to myself (2 seats) which was like, some sorta prize I guess for being able to fucking run through all the sections of the airport in 10 minutes flat. and omg. they had these Terra chip things on the plane... they were kinda amazing. Definitely pick up one next time you fly Porter.

So yeah.. that was my morning yesterday... how great right?

Happy Groping!

Late night adventures in the library.

Hey Blog buddies. I realie it is quite late as I write this for you... but this was perfectly blog-worthy. 


SO anyway, as most of you have seen on Facebook, I am no longer single. I know...exciting right? I sure think so. EITHER WAY, this blog is not about all the mushy shit in my life. It's about the moments that make me piss. aha


So. Tyler and new friend Stephanie are siting in the library right? It's currently 11:50 PM...we're all kinda tired, and maybe this story might not sound as epic as it actually was.


So we're talking about our classes and all Tyler is complaining that he has a mild speech impediment and can't say the word SOCIAL RESEARCH... it's really not that fucking hard... but whatever.


ANYWAY, this is an exact replication of what happened:

Tyler: I can't say it "sosa research"....sosha sosha...man i sound like a freakin asian!!

Sure maybe that's not quite as funny as it sounds... 

but Tyler looks behind and realizes there is a table of asians sitting 6 feet away.

Oh hot damn. Good one. The smoothest of smooth. 

Ahahaha the worst part is we are now listening to them speak enthusiastic Asian (who the fuck knows if it was Japanese, Chinese, Korean... IT WAS ASIAN!) and we're laughing at them...still....10 minutes later.

Good things happen in the library :)

Happy Groping!

Skyler's quick-fix #1

Hey Blog Buddies!

So it's been 2 weeks since I made my vlog....and traffic has increased on my blog by 300%....what the hell...where are all these people coming from? Thank you for reading though. Anyway... I know I don't write as often as everyone would like..but University os a bitch... actually...I'm only writing now to avoid doing homework that needs to be done HAHA!. OH! and Happy Thanksgiving to everyone... I mean..it's the most useless holiday ever...but I'm thankful for it...(did you see what I just did there.. thankful for thanksgiving???) haha....

SO today, I'm going to share with you something that bothers me AND my quick-fixes for is. This topic was actually brought up by the mom of a good friend of mine.

SO first on the list.... The people at call centres. Ok WHAT THE FUCK? is there some criteria which states that in order to work at a call centre, English has to be your second language and that you have to be of fucking Indian decent? I mean...I'm not racist by any means... but if you expect people to call you with their problems with, lets say, their phones (Bell is the absolute worst for this) you should at least expect to be able to understand what the fuck the person helping you is saying. IT'S MADNESS!!!!!
And honestly... what is so appealing for these East-Indian people at a call-centre anyway? It's not they're serving mango-curry chicken everyday....
Skyler's quick-fix: When you first call, (and this works in Canada only I presume) and you're faced with the annoying son of a bitch robot on the other end saying: "For English, press 1. Pour les services en Français, appuyer sur le 2" (english translation: "For French, hit 2") ALWAYS hit the french. Even if your French is limited to "Je m'appelle" and the eponymous baby seal "phoque". Everytime I've done this, you're connected with someone white, who can also speak English!!!! Think about it... in today's society, it's SUPREMELY uncommon to speak only French!!! So when you're finally connected with the french bitch on the other end, just say you hit the wrong button... chances are she'll just help you anyway. I'm so clever I scare myself.

Happy Groping! 

Just a little something to remember me by :)

ok so. Just a little heads up for anyone reading these...if they offend you...I couldn't care less. What I have to say has absolutely nothing to do with you. These blogs are written for pure enjoyment and entertainment purposes. Don't fucking talk behind my back and bitch about what I choose to write about. Because in all honesty and frankness, you're wasting your breath.

THAT BEING SAID... If that, or anything else you read on this blog offends you...FUCK OFF!

A vlog?

Hey blog buddies!

Ok, so a week in between posts all while trying to juggle massive amounts of homework (aka  punishment for wanting a higher education and a better paying job. FML) I do have a couple stories to tell ya'll about though.

So Thursday I was walking around in between classes and I saw a new friend of mine walking in the opposite direction. So I decided to to catch up to her and say hi. So you all know that between friends, it's okay to give each other that little "hey" punch on the shoulder. Nothing serious...doesn't hurt, isn't very surprising. So I give my friend Sam a punch on the shoulder and she turns around and (as you probably already figured out)....it's not Sam. So the stranger I went up to and punched turns around and is like: "What the hell dude!" and by this point I'm like "OHHHH FUCK!" in my head... so all I say is: "ohmygod...I thought you were someone else" to which she says: "Well...I hope you so! don't just go around punching people asshole" and then she kinda laughed, and I kinda did that nervous laugh thing that EVERYONE does when they're nervous...that "he.....ha...he....ya"  turns out she was in my psych class later that night....oh joy.
Lesson of the story: Don't go around fucking punching complete strangers. Even if it is a pussy punch. People, for some reason...., get mad.

Ok. and now I'm going to go into slight boring mode for a sec...so bear with me
You know when you're just so tired that everything because either a total sap story and you bawl about everything? That, or the complete opposite and everything suddenly seems so much funnier? ok. weird thing happened to me last night. I finally made a vlog...I started it at 11PM, which is my own fault for being a fuck head and starting something that I knew would take me like 5 hours at 11 o'clock at night (on a Friday night no less...can you say "no life"? <---don't actually...i have feelings too you know). So I'm running around my house with my laptop in my hands and I get back inside and I had this really mad laughing fit. Seriously, I think some weird voodoo shit happened last night... all of a sudden, I was on the floor pissing myself laughing. and I still can't figure out why I even started. So that lasted about 5 minutes (good thing my roomate wasn't home...I probably wouldn't have a place to stay because she would think I'm a total crackwhore) and I continued my vlog. Then I finally finished it around midnight. "sure, an hour doesn't seem to bad to film a vlog?" well I'd say "Fuck you! ya. fuck you!" bcz filming is the easiest part...except talking to your computer aka self..that's kinda weird. Then I had to edit the things and cut out a few parts bcz I pretty much just rambled on and on for 13 minutes. Miraculously, I got it down to 9 min and 40 seconds (or something to that effect...who fucking cares) (I love my use of really non-informative and useless parentheses....they make me happy) (and I'm pretty sure swearing is not allowed in parenthetical phrases either) (fuck it) (see what I just did there? clever!) Then I was trying to cut out the really weird parts where I kinda just stared at the camera for long periods of time because i forgot what i was going to say, and that wasn't working and by this time it was 1AM and I had been up since 8:30AM the day before and had barely slept the night before...so I cried. hahaha I don't even know why I was crying... I was just crying hahaha. (menopause perhaps??? who knows)  Then I pulled myself together and didn't get finished until like 3AM when my computer told me it would take 3 hours to upload to Youtube. FUCK YOU YOUTUBE! 3 hours! do you know how fucking long that is???? GAH!

Anyway, it's uploading as we speak... and by the time I'm done writing this, it should be ready and therefore, i will post a link here to view it.

So anyway, I realize today's blog is kinda dull, but that's because you have a totally radical vlog to watch now. Enjoy :) p.s. shut off the music at the top of this page lol.








Happy Groping!

Fucking preteens.

Hey blog buddies! It's been a while, and I'm sorry. As you all know (or maybe don't know... I dunno..I'm not in your head) I've been extremely busy lately. I moved to Ottawa for school and I'm honestly loving it. At first it was weird...I mean, I pretty much played dead the first day here alone... Everything was so new and I couldn't get anywhere bcz I had to take the city bus and I've never taken a bus before in my life...Actually, that's a lie.. I just lied to you. I had taken a city bus before with a friend, but that one time I pulled the "ding string" about 8 stops too early.... so you can barely count that) Other than that, if you wanna see pictures, I'll put some up right here. They're the same ones as on Facebook.

Ok, so today's actual blog might be a little short, but I think it will be a good one based on the observations I made today...

So I was walking around the mall today getting a few things I needed and I saw a huge group of preteens taking pictures...over nothing. Apparently when they get together, it's absolutely necessary to take absurd and pointless pictures of themselves. I swear, Facebook is utterly polluted by a bunch of fucking 12 year old who have nothing better to do than to take 4562347562397846597824365 pictures of themselves and their friends at various public places! I mean, I can totally understand if it's a huge vacation to somewhere exotic but to the movie theatre? SERIOUSLY bitches?

And like, I fucking hate how they get all excited and be like: "OMG! lets take a picture here because it's only the hundredth time we've ever seen a movie together!" PUHLEASE! give me a break.

OH! and you know how, in every group of friends, there's that one person who everyone likes, but nobody really likes all that much? hahaha. well the funniest thing is when that person tries to get their picture taken with everyone else. SHe'd be all like: "OMG! take a picture with meeeee!" and the person just stand there while the outcast just wraps her whole body around her and gives a huge smile all while the poor friend has to sit there and give that really fucking painful smile because shamoo is wrapped around her like a fucking piece of duct tape. (wonderful stuff duct tape, but don't abuse it) And when you see the picture later, you know exactly who this outcast is because the smile on the "friend" is priceless. It simply reads "hurry-up-and-take-the-fucking-picture-slut-because-this-is-my-"I-don't-really-like-you-and-I-just-wanna-get-this-over-with-fast""

And they pick the stupidest reasons to take pictures such as:

• "OMG! we're at the mall! hurry up and take a picture with me!"
• "OMG! we're at school, eating lunch! this is so radical we need to take a picture"
• "OMG! we're eating supper at a restaurant, so let's take picture so we can disturb everyone else while thy eat their nice suppers"
• "OMG! I have a nose! let's take a picture!"
• or my personal favourite: ""OMG I JUST GOT MY FIRST PERIOD, TAKE A 
  PICTURE QUICK, CAUSE IT WONT LAST LONG, I'LL BE PREGGERS SOON"
  
  

Yep...it's good to be back blog buddies ;)

Happy Groping!

Skyler's adventures to and in Ottawa. Day 1

Hey blog buddies! I guess it’s been a while since I’ve told you the going-ons of my day... I guess it’s because, for a while now, my day has been: Sleep, Drink my face off, work, repeat; with the omission of “drink my face off” every 5 days or so. But today, many very interesting things have happened to me. See, I had to come to Ottawa this week to check on 4 possible apartments for the school year. Well, let me tell you, it’s NOT as easy as it seems. 

So we left Sudbury promptly at 9:30AM. I had to make an emergency stop at Starbucks, and then we were on our way. The way down to Ottawa was pretty much uneventful... Stopped in Sturgeon Falls (Cheddar cheese bagels!) and Deep River intentionally, then I had a sudden bladder pressure augmentation and stopped in this quaint little village called Renfrew (yes, much like Holt Renfrew, but MUCH less glamorous). Talk about a fucking adventure. You go down this road that looks as if it’s been taken directly from Farmville (complete with weird little people with extremely disproportionate heads and all) . Well talk about trying to get out of this town... it’s as if they’re trying to keep you there. And then the GPS is lying and says I’m supposed to go through this corn field, but actually makes you end up going on this weird little crescent shaped road to bring you back onto the road you turned off of... ( more of my retarded GPS later on...)

When we make it into Deep River, Brianne decided to blast Cotton-Eyed Joe in the car with the windows down at the gas station... yay me. So then we continued our trek to Ottawa, and because of the absurd amounts of useless construction, Brianne got to wave at like 2479365274365783495170423 construction workers... about 2 of them waved back... probably bcz they felt bad for her mental handicap. Either way, I think we were like, an hour later all due to construction. Then we get onto the Queensway (417)...Holy bitch suck. Talk about crazy people in crazy cars going really fast and making retarded lane changes while your GPS is yelling “STAY RIGHT...in 200 metres, STAY RIGHT!” and then you’re like “FUCK YOU computer GPS lady! anymore right, I’m going left!” all while worrying about the 6746578324658734627834608243670189576452376592345 cars flying around you.

Ok, so maybe the 417 wasn’t all that bad after all... it was pretty easy now that i think of it. 

THEN we got to downtown Ottawa... at 5PM or so... the GPS giudes us to the hotel in good fashion until it’s starts having epileptic seizures and says: “In 200 metres, turn left, then turn left, turn left” so I say: “Umm...okay! let’s go straight!” GPS says, in turn: “recalculating...turn right, then in 1 kilometer, turn right” so I followed her directions and I missed the hotel completely because the British bitch inside my GPS hates me. So we go around in a circle again and end up at the hotel... well then I don’t know where to park and I suddenly spot a place... but we already passed it...and we’re on a one-way street. CIRCLE THE FUCKING BLOCK AGAIN! I swear... this whole time, I think the angry lady in the GPS wanted to say: “Listen here you little shit! If I have to recalculate one more time, I’m going to eat your first-born”. OH! side story. Brianne and I are arriving downtown and I say: “look! the people in Downtown Ottawa are so different than the people in Downtown Sudbury! they look so normal.... OH! except that guy...” (a homeless looking guy riding an old-person’s scooter thing).  

SO I finally made it to the hotel...GPS still intact... British lady still shouting directions at me. And then I have to park my car... well here’s the deal... the parking is like, WAAAYYY underground. It’s like a fucking obstacle course getting down this tiny ramp and finding your way to your designated parking spot. The prize at the end: Congratulations, your car is still in good condition! 

So we go and see the first house, problem free. It was very nice... but I’m not writing about that. Then we decided were hungry and were going to eat somewhere. the nearest places are near this one mall (crappy mall) and we’re driving around in circles around the mall because every 2 seconds, the GPS says “Arriving at destination on right” and there was NEVER a restaurant in sight. I swear it was angry british lady trying to get back at me for the hotel dilemma. Finally I see the restaurant and it’s like, 800 meters east of where we were... FUCK YOU ANGRY BRITISH GPS LADY! FUCK YOU!

Then we went to the second house, wasn’t all that great. And got back to the hotel safely, parking was much easier the second time around... Still not what i would consider “EASY” though... 

I’ll tell you guys all about tomorrow another time though.

HAPPY GROPING!

So... we're starting a new life....

Sooo...university eh? kinda scary, without a doubt. But kind of exciting right? I know I wrote this as note on Facebook, but I think it's very true and I think more people will read it here anyway. I know... this is going to be very different from what I usually write here (it's actually going to be something heartfelt; which, in itself is something very new to me)

Grade twelve is unlike any other. Here are a few things you should know.. It won't hit you when you wake up for your last first day of school. It won't hit you as you walk into the school for the first time as an official senior. It won't hit you when you cheer at your last football game. It won't hit you as you go to your last school dance. It won't hit you when you get all stressed about prom and realize the night passes by way to fast . It won't hit you as you do absurd amounts of work to try and get into College or University. It won't hit you as you write that generic essay letter that you try to use for all your applications. It won't hit you as you celebrate New Year's with the friends you have known since childhood. It won't hit you when you write your last highschool exam and everyone gets their party on! You won't feel it when you are having the time of your life at your last spring break in Dominican Republic with the best of people. You don't realize it at stag and then go to school drunk the next day.  You begin to realize it at Grad party when you look around and realize that you will never see half of these people again. You will begin to see it more over the summer when everyone is getting their roommates, class schedules, and going to orientation. It still hasn't fully hit you when you are sitting in your room packing up the past 18 years of your life, laughing with your best friend about all the stupid stuff you've done. You might feel it the morning you leave for college as that it is the last time you will see your room, your parents, and your best friend for like 3 months. It will finally hit you when you are sitting in your dorm room with a perfect stranger, that you have to live with for the next year. Please, Please, PLEASE make every moment of your Senior year count, you only get to do it once. College or university will be a lot of fun, but in the meantime, jump at every opportunity you get to do anything that you have ever wanted to do. Spend as much time with friends as possible, for it will not be long until you meet new people and inevitably grow apart.