Born This Way

Hey Blog buddies!
oh dear... it seems I have all but forgotten about this blog. I know most of you reading this have probably lost hope in me ever writing again... Hopefully I haven't lost my touch... or any of my faithful readers haha.


So....It's been so long... I can't even figure out what I'm going to write about...
Well. maybe I should pick a fan favourite and write about a song. Yes. a song. But which song exactly? There seems to be a panoply of fucking shitty ass songs lately everyfuckingwhere... hmm... I may get shot for this one... but I think, my song of choice for this week is...... Born This Way!


So... I'll admit.. I'm a fan of Gaga at the best of times, but it's SOOO easy and amusing to make fun of her. 
The video, which I will not analyze here... is also kind of fucky if you ask me...  you can watch it HERE  if you like... 


ANYWAY. That being said, I'll get started, because I know how much you guys have been looking forward to this.


So we start off with a rather slow intro of Gaga being monotone...what's new, right? If you're going to make a new song, change it up a bit.

It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M

Just put your paws up'

cause you were Born This Way, Baby

-So she's basically saying "I don't care if you're catholic or not, but you're going to buy my music and support my lavish lifestyle because I'm Lady fucking Gaga". 
-And why does she insist her fans have paws? I am appalled that you compare me to some animal. I cannot speak for my fellow humans, but I am 100% certain that I am not an animal.
-And just an F.Y.I. I was NOT born this way... I can't imagine squeezing my way out of a vadge at this size.... (and I know you guys are all picturing it now...you're VERY welcome)

MY MAMA TOLD ME WHEN I WAS YOUNG

WE ARE ALL BORN SUPERSTARS

SHE ROLLED MY HAIR AND PUT MY LIPSTICK ON

IN THE GLASS OF HER BOUDOIR

"THERE'S NOTHIN WRONG WITH LOVIN WHO YOU ARE"

SHE SAID, "'CAUSE HE MADE YOU PERFECT, BABE"

"SO HOLD YOUR HEAD UP GIRL AND YOU'LL GO FAR,

LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SAY"

-Your mom lied. It's as simple as that. we are NOT all born superstars... I was.. but I know people who weren't
-How do you roll hair? that doesn't even make sense... you obviously just needed  a one-syllable word here because "put my hair up" is too long and "whip my hair" was already taken.
-Wait.... hold up... why is your mom putting lipstick on you and doing your hair? I smell a hooker (not a pleasant smell in case anyone was wondering)
-Ok. I have to disagree with her mom here... whoever this eponymous "he" is... he did not make her perfect... she could be prettier... 
-And another couple wise words of wisdom here" hold your head up and you'll go far" . . . obviously... because if you keep your head down, you're likely to run into a pole or something...


ok. so then there's the chorus... there's not much wrong here... so I'll just skip the first part.

DON'T HIDE YOURSELF IN REGRET

JUST LOVE YOURSELF AND YOU'RE SET

I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY

I WAS BORN THIS WAY

-How do you hide in regret? That's like saying I'm gonna go hide myself in a bag of fucking umbrellas... conspicuous  as fuck if you ask me. 
-Lady Gaga... if you're trying to be a role model...telling people to love themselves and they'll be "happy" is not the way to go.  We have enough egotistical assholes around here if you ask me. 
-And this "right track business"...it's overrated.. the left track is where the candy is at.

DON'T BE A DRAG -JUST BE A QUEEN

DON'T BE A DRAG -JUST BE A QUEEN

DON'T BE A DRAG -JUST BE A QUEEN

-These lines kinda creep me out... not because of what they say...but because she says them in her creey monotone voice like she's trying to brain wash us...
-And what the fuck is she even trying to say here? Don't be a drag... but be a queen... I am the fucking queen. Why would I even want to be a drag queen....Has anyone seen a real drag queen? They can be creepy as all fuck. Here... check it out. 

Tasty...right? Now you're all going to have nightmares.


BACK TO THE SONG.

GIVE YOURSELF PRUDENCE

AND LOVE YOUR FRIENDS

SUBWAY KID, REJOICE YOUR TRUTH

-Lady Gaga! Why do you speak to us in code? First you say were animals...now you're trying to mind fuck us back to nowhere. 
-And why do you want the kid at Subway to rejoice his truth? What does that even mean?
Subway kid says: "I EAT AT SUBWAY BECAUSE I WANT TO LOOSE WEIGHT LIKE THAT JARED GUY!" 
Really? What are we supposed to earn from that shit?

A DIFFERENT LOVER IS NOT A SIN

BELIEVE CAPITAL H-I-M (HEY HEY HEY)

Further proof she is a hooker. PROSTITUTION IS A SIN! EVERYONE! THROW ROCKS AT HER!

DON'T BE A DRAG, JUST BE A QUEEN

WHETHER YOU'RE BROKE OR EVERGREEN

YOU'RE BLACK, WHITE, BEIGE, CHOLA DESCENT

YOU'RE LEBANESE, YOU'RE ORIENT

WHETHER LIFE'S DISABILITIES

LEFT YOU OUTCAST, BULLIED, OR TEASED

REJOICE AND LOVE YOURSELF TODAY

'CAUSE BABY YOU WERE BORN THIS WAY

OHHHH SOO much wrong with this. This is the part I was most looking forward to... 
-There she goes with her monotone voice again... telling us to be drag queens... on the other hand.. i don't think I would make a very good drag queen. 
-So.... if you're poor... or a tree.... WHERE THE FUCK does everyone else fit in here? If you're living on the streets... or you're a maple tree... no. a maple tree isn't even evergreen.. you get to be an even shittier tree called the Pine Tree. 
-ok fine.. mentioning everyone... BUT why does she single out the lebanese? I never understood that. That's like saying: I like fruits and vegetables....and apples.
-and then there's not much else I can say about the rest of that stanza without looking like a total prick...so I'll just leave it at that


And that's about it... she repeats things I've already torn apart for the rest of the song.


Now that school's done, I promise you'll get more regular updates. I know you guys were scared for a bit. 


Leave suggestions for new topics in the comments!!!
Actually, just comment, I love reading them and there are far too few!

Happy Groping!