Blog number thirty-four

Hey blog buddies! So you'll see here that I've changed my blog around a bit... I did it because, well, the old one was boring and I finally figured out how to efficiently use blogger.com. And why do I need to explain why I changed my blog appearance to you guys anyway??? I'm Skyler fucking Tyson! I can do whatever the fuck I want!

Anyway...after that brief rant.... I will introduce today's topic: Colonoscopies... yes, the dreaded colon scan performed on old-ish people (50 years or so). Anyway, before I scare the shit out of all of you, it's probably not as bad as it seems, so get them when your doctor tells you to!

So! let me explain the wonders of the colon to you first:

So gaining access to the colon require to pass from one of two ways:

Through the AAAAnus, or the mouth...obviously the anus is easier, which means that something, somehow, is gonna get shoved so far up there that you're not gonna be able to walk for 3 days. Well, that may be an exaggeration, but here's what the scope they shove up there looks like:





So anyway... now that I have you guys all primed up for this, here we go....

So after finally talking yourself/being dragged to the doctor's office for the pre-op, they make you leave with a prescription of Pico-Salax. Wonderful stuff. So anyway, before you start anything, I advise perhaps making sure you have a full day off with access to a bathroom. For about 24 hours, you are restricted to a strictly fluid diet. You're pretty much Ghandi for a full day. So you take your first dose of pico-salax, which is pretty much a package of salt emptied into a litre of water. Now, just trying to down a fucking litre of water is no easy feat. Try adding the essence of goat piss, tow fungus and urinal puck to the water and drinking the whole thing. So after about 20 minutes, you get a sudden urge to have a bowel movement. GET THE FUCK TO THE TOILET! Have you ever seen a space shuttle take off? Picture that propulsion coming out of your anus! Pico-salax is a fucking nuclear laxative! So you pretty much spend your whole day on the toilet expelling the contents of you body. Right when you think you're empty, *groans* UUUGGGHHH!!!!! there's more! Then you have to take another dose of pico-salax! FUCK LIFE!! You down another litre of goat piss and you're ready to go again. You shit your brains out for a while and just when you think you're completely empty and that there couldn't possibly be anything left, your bowels move to the future and start shitting out things you'll eat tomorrow and the next day!!! after a rather long night of "clear fruit juice" as a diet and the contents of your week-to-come's diet in the toilet, you start expelling clear liquid from your ass. How wonderful is that when your fully functional penis/vagina doesn't know what to do anymore because the asshole stole it's job??? So then you make your way happily and joyfully to the doctor's where he offers you a sedative.... TAKE IT MOTHER FUCKER! TAKE TWO!!! They shove that camera up your ass and take pictures of places you'll never see and sell them to perverts. Well, they don't sell them, but you never know....

Then you wake up and the whole thing's done and you leave with nothing but a little tickle in your ass....

Happy groping!