I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW....it seems like it's been YEARS since I posted a blog... Anyone who goes to my school and is in any of my classes knows that we have soo much shit to do in so little time... But whatever...I still have to make time for this I guess...Procrastination is a beautiful invention...
I decided to postpone my tacky things list for a later date to make place for today's blog. Stupid drivers.
I'm not gonna say that I'm a perfect driver....because I'm really not. But some fucking people out there think they're king shit of the fucking asphalt and do whatever the fuck they want.
Let's take exhibit A: People who don't use their signal lights.
First of all, FUCK YOU! Seriously, that little lever type-thing on the side of the wheel is there for a reason. It's really not that hard... A simple flick of the finger is enough to use it... I mean... is it not enough that the poor person behind you has to slam on their brakes because you decide to turn without first notifying him/her? we're not ALL mind readers, so smarten the fuck up and use your signal asshole!
Secondly, how about people who suddenly forget how to drive at the first sign of snow!
Nothing pisses me off more than when it's barely even snowing, the roads are fine and some bitch is driving at 20 in an 80 zone with the wipers on full blast for the single snowflake that hits her windshield every 30 seconds. You can see perfectly! There isn't even any snow on the road and you're driving like your car is carrying 12375691234785623478956978234659274569283745 eggs, 3 babies and 6 priceless paintings! Get the fuck off the road if you can't drive properly!
Also, let's move onto people who speed up when you're trying to pass them.
OH MY FUCK...seriously... I can't stand people like this... "I'm not trying to race you...I'm trying to pass your slow ass so I can get to my destination at a reasonable time" And it's just soooo much worse when you finally get into an overtaking lane (dotted line on a two lane highway), (these things don't go on forever you know) and the little bitch in the car ahead of you suddenly accelerates as you're trying to pass him/her and then ahead of you, oncoming is fucking Mac transport. FML.... back behind the bitch we go...
And finally, people who don't check their blindspots.
Once again, YOU DON'T OWN THE ROAD SHITHEAD! check around yourself! the first thing they teach you is check your blindspots! Stop fixing your hair in the mirror! You look like shit anyway! Take teh time to look around yourself fuck face! While your car might be shitty and repelling... not everyone's car is like that... We don;t exactly appreciate a huge gash in our cars either.
Well anyway...now that the year's coming to an end (euhm.... somewhat), I hope to write more for you!
Happy Groping!
5/26/10
4/29/10
Thirty-nine.
Hey blog buddies!
So, just a little tidbit of information, the sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog" contains all 26 letters of the alphabet!!!!! woot woot!
Anyway, today's topic is the first part of a two-part blog I will be making about tacky things that people are infatuated with. Beware, I won't go easy on the guilty pleasures we indulge in.
Lawn Gnomes: Ok, I absolutely HAVE to start with these. "How to ruin a perfectly beautiful garden/flower bed? Put a fucking lawn gnome in it you fucktard!" Seriously! you can't get much creepier than placing little men in your garden, who, by the way, look absolutely riddiculous. If I ever saw someone wearing bright red cover-alls with a matching beanie, I would punch them in the fucking face. And if that person were in my garden creeping, I would go out and buy a gun.. I'm also not a fan that their height is advantageous for pube-sniffing. You never know when the little fucker's having a sniff!
People who think that a little perfume will cover up their funkyness: Seriously, it takes about 20 minutes to take a thorough shower, the 10 minutes you took dousing yourself in cheap perfume could have easily been spent on a bit of exfoliation. Smell isn't everything, WE CAN SEE YOU!!! When your hair forms dreadlocks all by itself, it probably means you should have taken a shower.... a fucking week ago! Seriously, when I see someone who looks like they just took a bath in Crisco but who smells like Channel #5, I think to myself "EW, I'll lend you my bathtub and bar of soap if you want..." (p.s. Keep the soap when you're done with it) And really, some people whould really attend some sort of seminar in regards to personal hygiene. For instance, lesson number 1: a shower does not consist of just wetting your hair, those bottles; they're shampoo! and lesson number 2: Soap is your friend! and so on and so forth.
Poorly matched foundation: Seriously, there's a difference between makeup that makes you look better and pure Oompa Loompa-ness. It's really not that hard to match your skin tone to a foundation pigment yet sooo many people look simply like the spokesperson for Tropicana. I'm gonna be completely honest here; you look worse orange than you would sans-makeup.
Velour track-Suits: Oh fuck! Kill me now! P-Diddy called, he wants the pimp suit back, hoe! Let's face it, you look like a fucking fool! There are two possible explanations to these abominations: 1. You are sooo in love with your couch that you decided to make a matching jumpsuit from that same horrendous velvet, in which case I would label you as a genuine "shithead". 2. you're trying sooo hard to be all ghetto fabulous you actually look like white trailer-trash by the name of Bobbi-Jo.
Well anyway, that's all i can write tonight. Part two will come next time, stay tuned!
Happy Groping!
So, just a little tidbit of information, the sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog" contains all 26 letters of the alphabet!!!!! woot woot!
Anyway, today's topic is the first part of a two-part blog I will be making about tacky things that people are infatuated with. Beware, I won't go easy on the guilty pleasures we indulge in.
Lawn Gnomes: Ok, I absolutely HAVE to start with these. "How to ruin a perfectly beautiful garden/flower bed? Put a fucking lawn gnome in it you fucktard!" Seriously! you can't get much creepier than placing little men in your garden, who, by the way, look absolutely riddiculous. If I ever saw someone wearing bright red cover-alls with a matching beanie, I would punch them in the fucking face. And if that person were in my garden creeping, I would go out and buy a gun.. I'm also not a fan that their height is advantageous for pube-sniffing. You never know when the little fucker's having a sniff!
Poorly matched foundation: Seriously, there's a difference between makeup that makes you look better and pure Oompa Loompa-ness. It's really not that hard to match your skin tone to a foundation pigment yet sooo many people look simply like the spokesperson for Tropicana. I'm gonna be completely honest here; you look worse orange than you would sans-makeup.
Velour track-Suits: Oh fuck! Kill me now! P-Diddy called, he wants the pimp suit back, hoe! Let's face it, you look like a fucking fool! There are two possible explanations to these abominations: 1. You are sooo in love with your couch that you decided to make a matching jumpsuit from that same horrendous velvet, in which case I would label you as a genuine "shithead". 2. you're trying sooo hard to be all ghetto fabulous you actually look like white trailer-trash by the name of Bobbi-Jo.
Well anyway, that's all i can write tonight. Part two will come next time, stay tuned!
Happy Groping!
4/23/10
Blogs # 37 and 38
Hey Blog buddies!
I'm going to do two short blogs tonight....Just consider it an added bonus.
The first one is my take on something I saw before. I changed it up. It's REAAALLLYYY dry, so if you don't get it, don't worry.
Ten reasons people should be against gay marriage.
1) Being gay is not natural. Since when have natural things been accepted by society? Take polyester, or robotic arms or airplanes for example....
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around straight people will make you straight.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country.That's why we have only one religion in Canada.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, and computers and such...
Aloha! from the land of snow and sun. Like seriously what the fuck is up with this fucking weather? Snow one day and 20C the next... Attention: Mother Nature has gone bi-polar, please bring your umbrella, parka, short shorts and snow shovel to work with you today.
Anyway.. I'm going to talk about chatroulette....
For those of you who aren't familiar with what chat roulette is. Here's a link: www.chatroulette.com I suggest not actually participating... Anyway, it's a site (I guess) where you can go and talk. TO ANYONE in the world... and you'll NEVER know who this person is. There's no name, no age, sex or location. So while you think you may be talking to some poor kid in Taiwan (and really, if you're naive enough to think that a poor kid in Taiwan has access to a computer, you don't deserve oxygen), you're probably talking to your ugly, old, saggy neighbor who is coincidentally pulling his pork (if you know what I mean) with his pants down at the computer. Oh! and did I mention that you have absolutely no choice of who you're going to talk to? So you don't have a choice between the pedophile, the schitzo or the legit normal person. It's like Russian roulette, but with sexual predators! Woto woot! So I suggest perhaps making a menu for you to chose what category of people you would like to talk to. I know, my MS paint skills need to be perfected, but it's just a try.
So essentially, the white boxes are the choices you have. I know! it's sooooooo hard to pick one! They all seem sooooo appealing! While you're at it, you might as well have just give away your identification and credit card numbers too! Fucking morons...
Happy Groping!
I'm going to do two short blogs tonight....Just consider it an added bonus.
The first one is my take on something I saw before. I changed it up. It's REAAALLLYYY dry, so if you don't get it, don't worry.
Ten reasons people should be against gay marriage.
1) Being gay is not natural. Since when have natural things been accepted by society? Take polyester, or robotic arms or airplanes for example....
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around straight people will make you straight.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country.That's why we have only one religion in Canada.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, and computers and such...
Second Blog:
Aloha! from the land of snow and sun. Like seriously what the fuck is up with this fucking weather? Snow one day and 20C the next... Attention: Mother Nature has gone bi-polar, please bring your umbrella, parka, short shorts and snow shovel to work with you today.
Anyway.. I'm going to talk about chatroulette....
For those of you who aren't familiar with what chat roulette is. Here's a link: www.chatroulette.com I suggest not actually participating... Anyway, it's a site (I guess) where you can go and talk. TO ANYONE in the world... and you'll NEVER know who this person is. There's no name, no age, sex or location. So while you think you may be talking to some poor kid in Taiwan (and really, if you're naive enough to think that a poor kid in Taiwan has access to a computer, you don't deserve oxygen), you're probably talking to your ugly, old, saggy neighbor who is coincidentally pulling his pork (if you know what I mean) with his pants down at the computer. Oh! and did I mention that you have absolutely no choice of who you're going to talk to? So you don't have a choice between the pedophile, the schitzo or the legit normal person. It's like Russian roulette, but with sexual predators! Woto woot! So I suggest perhaps making a menu for you to chose what category of people you would like to talk to. I know, my MS paint skills need to be perfected, but it's just a try.
So essentially, the white boxes are the choices you have. I know! it's sooooooo hard to pick one! They all seem sooooo appealing! While you're at it, you might as well have just give away your identification and credit card numbers too! Fucking morons...
Happy Groping!
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