Thirty-nine.

Hey blog buddies!

So, just a little tidbit of information, the sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog" contains all 26 letters of the alphabet!!!!! woot woot!


Anyway, today's topic is the first part of a two-part blog I will be making about tacky things that people are infatuated with. Beware, I won't go easy on the guilty pleasures we indulge in. 


Lawn Gnomes: Ok, I absolutely HAVE to start with these. "How to ruin a perfectly beautiful garden/flower bed? Put a fucking lawn gnome in it you fucktard!" Seriously! you can't get much creepier than placing little men in your garden, who, by the way, look absolutely riddiculous. If I ever saw someone wearing bright red cover-alls with a matching beanie, I would punch them in the fucking face. And if that person were in my garden creeping, I would go out and buy a gun.. I'm also not a fan that their height is advantageous for pube-sniffing. You never know when the little fucker's having a sniff!

People who think that a little perfume will cover up their funkyness: Seriously, it takes about 20 minutes to take a thorough shower, the 10 minutes you took dousing yourself in cheap perfume could have easily been spent on a bit of exfoliation. Smell isn't everything, WE CAN SEE YOU!!! When your hair forms dreadlocks all by itself, it probably means you should have taken a shower.... a fucking week ago! Seriously, when I see someone who looks like they just took a bath in Crisco but who smells like Channel #5, I think to myself "EW, I'll lend you my bathtub and bar of soap if you want..." (p.s. Keep the soap when you're done with it) And really, some people whould really attend some sort of seminar in regards to personal hygiene. For instance, lesson number 1: a shower does not consist of just wetting your hair, those bottles; they're shampoo! and lesson number 2: Soap is your friend! and so on and so forth.

Poorly matched foundation: Seriously, there's a difference between makeup that makes you look better and pure Oompa Loompa-ness. It's really not that hard to match your skin tone to a foundation pigment yet sooo many people look simply like the spokesperson for Tropicana. I'm gonna be completely honest here; you look worse orange than you would sans-makeup. 


Velour track-Suits: Oh fuck! Kill me now! P-Diddy called, he wants the pimp suit back, hoe! Let's face it, you look like a fucking fool! There are two possible explanations to these abominations: 1. You are sooo in love with your couch that you decided to make a matching jumpsuit from that same horrendous velvet, in which case I would label you as a genuine "shithead". 2. you're trying sooo hard to be all ghetto fabulous you actually look like white trailer-trash by the name of Bobbi-Jo.


Well anyway, that's all i can write tonight. Part two will come next time, stay tuned!


Happy Groping!