Twenty-fifth entry

Hey blog buddies! long time no see!

ok....I know it's been two weeks...and I really feel bad about not writting, but I've been amazingly busy. Anyway, I promise to start writting a little more often. That and I was kidna threatened into writtign for you guys... so here I am...DJ, spin that shit!" (ya...I've just always wanted to say that....)

"Ego" Beyonc-ay!

Oh baby, how you doing?

You know I'm gonna cut right to the chase
Some women were made but me, myself
I like to think that I was created for a special purpose
You know, what's more special than you? You feel me

ok..the first two lines of this song are just slutty.... I mean, they kind of remind me of a song I did a few weeks ago (hiya Barbie. Hi Ken, wanna go for a ride? Sure Ken! Jump in)... they're just kinda upfront if you know what I mean? And then she gets all up on her Beyonc-ay high horse and is all like: "ya, I'm black, my ass is huge, but I'm still better than you!"...jus' sayin'

It's on baby, let's get lost
You don't need to call into work 'cause you're the boss
For real, want you to show me how you feel
I consider myself lucky, that's a big deal

ok....there's one line that really really kinda makes me wonder what Beyonce means.... When she says: "For real, want you to show me how you feel" you want him to show you how he feels? what if he feels mad? Like, girl, I'm sorry, but you're gonna get punched in the face! Or what if he's happy, well, then you'll probably get laid... Or if he's feeling sad? Then you'll probably get laid to make him feel better, or if he is feeling sick, well, he'll probably disown your ass because all you want is sex.

Why? Well, you got the key to my heart
But you ain't gonna need it, I'd rather you open up my body
And show me secrets, you didn't know was inside
No need for me to lie

Do you have the key to beyoncé's heart???? SEARCH PARTY!!!! first person to find it gets laid by Beyoncé!!!! Oh...nvm....she doesnt care...she just wants sec so bad, you dont even need a key...just cash, debit, credit card or certifies cheque made payable to "Beyonc-ay".

It's too big, it's too wide
It's too strong, it won't fit
It's too much, it's too tough
He talk like this 'cause he can back it up

OH MY GOD!!!! this is my fav. part of this song...  However, I don't think that a song is the best place to describe your boyfriend's junk... just saying. I mean, you gotta toughen up! it can't be THAT big, and It cant be that WIDE. And honestly...I;ve never even heard of a strong one before...taht's just kidna creepy. And how do you know that it's tough? seriously...you shouldn't be chewing on that!!!!

He got a big ego, such a huge ego
I love his big ego, it's too much
He walk like this 'cause he can back it up

Beyonce is being very....metaphorical here. I mean, we've all heard that men's brains are in their pants. Therefore, ego=penis. and apparently "he's" got one so big that it's just too much for tight little Beyonce.... And im not sure what she means by "he walk like this 'cuase he can back it up" but it can't be good after that...

Usually I'm humble, right now I don't choose
You can leave with me or you could have the blues
Some call it arrogant, I call it confident
You decide when you find on what I'm working with

You are so not humble Beyonce...stop your lying! and now she's giving him the choice... "do you want me or not?" (tip to the man she's talking to: GO FOR IT! she's got a nice booty!)

Damn I know I'm killing you with them legs
Better yet them thighs
Matter a fact it's my smile or maybe my eyes
Boy you a site to see, kind of something like me

Seriously...if you can kill someone with your legs, that's kinda creepy... VICE-GRIP!!! (omg ew...so innpropriate) and stop talking about how perfect your body is Beyonce! We KNOW!

It's too big, it's too wide
It's too strong, it won't fit
It's too much, it's too tough
I talk like this 'cause I can back it up

Ok, now she's just bragging... WE KNOW!!!! HE'S HUGE! WE GET IT!


I got a big ego, such a huge ego
But he love my big ego, it's too much
I walk like this 'cause I can back it up


Oh! and I think if we reaplace "ego" by "ass in this past stanza, it should be ust right...:

I got a big ass, such a huge ass

But he love my big ass, it's too much
I walk like this 'cause I can back it up

Yes...that's more like it... your ass is so huge that you walk funny! that sounds baout right.


Adn then the bitch goes on and on and on about how big he is, and how his "ego" (xxpenisxx) is huge. blah blah blah....

Ego so big, you must admit
I got every reason to feel like I'm that bitch
Ego so strong, if you ain't know
I don't need no beat, I can sing it with piano

yes....he's probably also aware that he has a big dick Beyonce...no need to encourage him to unleash that beast on the world.... GODZILLA!  Ok..someone with as much money as you should at least be able to hire a corrector... I mean, you cant just go throwing around double negatives like that! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!!

Well, anyway, I may be a little rusty, but I hope you guys enjoyed that. and don't be afraid to comment... I really have no idea who reads these and I'd kind alike to know....

Happy groping!

Twenty Fouth Entry

Hey blog buddies! I bring you news! 


"Vous êtes admis à Temps complet à l'année 1, du programme de Baccalauréat ès science, spécialisé en science et B.Éd. , offert en français à la session d'automne 2010 par la Faculté des sciences de l'Université d'Ottawa.


Vous recevrez une bourse d'admission de 2 000 $. L'Université vous garantit également un hébergement soit sur le campus ou à l'extérieur du campus si vous complétez les démarches avant la date limite."

YAY me right? Well, kinda, it was my fourth choice so let's keep our fingers crossed for the other thress (mainly Guelph and Waterloo)

Anyway... enough about me. Let's write today's blog.

"Dearest pumpernikel bread,

I don't understand why you are not more liked! It's possibly because of your skin tone, though I personaly love it. I love to cover you in white sauce (containing green specs) and eat you. You are also wonderful when you are toasted. You're like Beyonce in bread form.

And your name! How wonderful! Pumpernikel! It's one of those words that people hear and go "what???" but I love it. I think it's beautiful and I think you're beautiful. Your lush shade and dark interior make you severely mysterious. But when someone gets their frist taste of your soft flesh, it all goes away. You're just like Wonder, but only better. She's a bitch anyway...you don't wanna be friends with THAT kind of bread! She tastes like sand and is very dull... you can do better.

I look forward to smothering you in butter my love!"

-Skyler-

happy groping!

Twenty-third entry

Sorry sorry sorry! I know...it'e been like more than a week since my last post. I'll try and get two done tonight.

Hey blog buddies!

It's sad, but I really don't have any interesting stories from this past week, which really sucks, but it's okay, because I love radishes! seriously, I just love them. Which leads me to today's topic. Weird and random things that I love and why.


1. Radishes- yes, those amazing little bundles of fresh, but spicy vegetableness... I just really really like them. I can sit there with a bag of radishes and just eat.

2. Grapefruit - I know that some people might not find it weird, but I don't eat it with sugar, it ruins it. I just love that bitter tartness that comes with a grapefruit.

3. New pens - Oh my god! Does anyone else get that really instense rush when you  first use a really good pen? I mean, I buy a pen and my heart beats all fast and such just to get hoe and try it out... I know okay, I'm weird.

4. Silicone spatulas - how amazing are these things? I mean like WOW! You can almost mix a cake batter, scrape everything out of the bowl with the spatula and put it back in the cupboard. That's how good these things are!

5. Windshield washer fluid - the best invention since toilet paper! Seriously, I have this weird OCD thing for dirt on my windshield. I have to fill my car's supply about once evrey two weeks, sometimes more often, depending on the weather. But I mean, this shit is perfect. It just washes away all that really annoying grime and splatter comming from that huge-son-of-a-bitch transport driving in front of you. Thanks you large motorized vehicle containing cheap import electronics!

6. Pillows - oh shit! I love pillows. I get this rush when I find amazing pillows. I have about 10 pillows (seriously)...I sleep with 2. The others are  for decoration!!! Accessories are everything my friends!

7. Swiffer dusters - Oh Mah Gawd! you have to try these things! That's all I have to say. I mean, they are miracles! they pick up everything and leave behind a slight tangerine scent that's amusing to my nostrils.

8. McDonald's orange drink - This is seriously the only thing I actually like from McD's. It's just so yummy! Like, it's not orange pop, but it's not orange juice! It's just so damn good! It's like summer in a cup!

Happy groping!
and I promise to start posting a little more often than once every two weeks lol.

Twenty second entry

Good evening ladies, gentlemen and everything in between.

Today being Wednesday, let us tear up a song. I chose to disect "physical" by Olivia Newton John. I'm not sure if you guys have heard it, but it's hysterical!

Anyway, here we go!

I'm saying all the things that I know you'll like

Making good conversation
I gotta handle you just right
You know what I mean
I took you to an intimate restaurant
Then to a suggestive movie
There's nothing left to talk about
Unless it's horizontally

So the songs starts off with Miss John (hahahaha) singing about her seducing some person. I specify person because she doesn;t specify whether it's a guy or a girl. She may be a lesbian...we'll find out later maybe.
OOOH! she wants to handle him... know what I mean? HANDLE HIM! like put her hand around his....ok, you get it.  What a slut! Might I add that she needs it so bad that she's the one making all the moves. This guys probably sitting there thinking "I'm gettin' some tonight, she wants this so bad it's scaring me"
And then she says that she's leaving all these hints like going to see porn and that she doesn't want to talk unless it's horizaontaly... Let me depict this for you...

Yes...those are my own original Paint skills...

Let's get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

Wow...she's not shy. She just puts it right out there that she wants to get physical with you... And how the fuck are you supposed to get INTO physical? It's not like it's some kind of jumpsuit. You know, like for halloween. "What are you?" "Oh, I'm a physical"  And she wants to hear your body talk? Like what's that supposed to mean? (OMG! I JUST THOUGHT OF WHISPERING EYE! BAHAHA)

I've been patient, I've been good
Tried to keep my hands on the table
It's gettin' hard this holdin' back
If you know what I mean

Jesus! Olivia! There's a place for people like you...it's called Sex addicts annonymous... Maybe I should find their number for you. I mean, you can't even keep your hands above the table! And then she has to describe to us that it's getting hard...NO SHIT! you're playing ith it...that's what happens when you play with it, it gets hard! And yes Olivia...we know what you mean you horny horny bitch!

I'm sure you'll understand my point of view
We know each other mentally
You gotta know that you're bringin' out
The animal in me

Ohh...you know each other more than mentally...and you know it. You know him inside and out... (oh...gross gross gross ew ew ew, she's like 100 now...wrinkles!) I really love how in the video, it's depicting a workout, which is funny because it's not about a workout at all.. I don't know anyone who is so passionate about dumbells that they bring out a sexual animal from someone, just sayin'

Let's get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

Let's get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

Let's get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let's get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

What....a....slut... she just wants to get physical over and over again... and over and over again... by the way, can you overdose from sex? Like eventually do you just like, die? ew...no, lets not think of that...

But seriously, I guess she ran out of ideas becase she sings the chorus over and over and over again to fill in the extra 2 minutes of the song...

Let's get animal, animal
I wanna get animal
Let's get into animal
Let me hear your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

ooo! now she wants to get animal..wait! that's fucked up! that has got to be the weirdest shit I've ever heard. Pretending to be animals whilst performing sexual acts? No thanks...I prefer my zebras and monkeys at the zoo...no sex included...

And I really have to take the time to rip up the video a bit too... Because it's just sooo funny!

So we start off in a gym-type place, but I think it's one of those guys-only gyms because she's the only girl there... Anyway,  I swear, Olivia gets tea-bagged like 5 times during the video... It's like: "Lunge, balls on her face. Lunge! balls on her face!" She's gonna get black eyes if you keep on doing that! And it doesn't help that the  guys are wearing nothing... like, they have the equivalent of a loincloth on... OH!! TEA-BAG! again! and she picks the weirdest places to start singing too.. Like at one point, she's behind someone doing leg lifts and every time these guy's legs split, she's there! It's like "boom! Olivia!" Oh and might I add that she just starts randomly humping this fat guy on a treadmill... WHAT....THE....FUCK!?!?!  And at the end, all the guys turn out to be gay... huh! Fooled you eh Olivia!

Anyway...In case you're looking for it, here's the link... Don;t hurt your eyes!
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2ek4k_olivia-newton-john-physical_music

Happy groping!

Twenty first composition for my blog

Haha...wow, I swear some people have nothing better to do than to read this shit that I write faithfully. Apparently some people get withdrawls when I don't write... not naming any names though...

Have I ever shared with you my loathing of Mondays? No? Well then you haven't attentively been reading my blog then. Because I fucking hate hate hate hate hate them. And I now hate water, but I'll get to that later. Actually, I'll get to it now.

So I wake this morning to my mom yelling that the basement's flooded. WHAT THE FUCK? seriously? Why does God hate me. I walk outside my room and it's all like sploosh! Apparently some lake just decided to move into my house last night while we slept. Actualy, it was our water pump that blew a hose. So away i go to grandma's house, like Little Red Riding Hood in like -100 outside, my nipples were so hard they ripped a hole in my shirt... kidding! but it was really cold!  I forgot to bring my toothbrush and razor so when i got home I just like skipped out on the shaving (not that I have a five-o-clock shadow or anything, I just don't like facial hair) and brushed my teeth with a bottle of water... Bottled water...what a miracle!

Anyway, my car didn't want o start this morning, I swear when i turnded the egnition (ignition?, egnetion?...who knows...) it was saying "squeak, fuck you it's cold, squeak, fuck you it's cold"  But that finaly started (piece of shit Mazda's...just kidding! I love you!) And to make things worse, I had to go to school today... How horible is that! First day back, I'm up at like 5:30, my basement is renamed "lake alotoffuckingwater" my car won't start, I don't even look half decent for school, I forget how to tie a tie and had to look that shit up on youtube, lost one of my shoes, found my other shoe, couldn't even do my hair for there was a lack of water.) And to make everything better, I couldn't find my keys....ya, they were in my pocket... After I finaly just lost all hope in humanity, I happend to look in my pockets again and POW! theere they were...AMAZING!

And the rest of the day wasn't all that bad... I mean, school is school right? WRONG! Satan created homework! First day back and I have to find like 5 animals to make a freakin totem pole out of clay! I don't even know what to do with clay. Is it like play-dough? Someone said something about needing water and how messy it is and I was all like: "Umm...no" " I'm not getting all dirty to make some stupid representation of myself in a random stack of animal orgyness..." Thanks, but no thanks!

And then like half of my teachers are on the rag or something today..I swear, they were out to get me...

And to make everything worse, my dog just threw up on me. OMG! ew. grossest thing ever. She's just like sitting on my lap then all of a sudden she like pulls a Kayla  (for those who don't know, Kayla  is a friend of mine who passed out on the floor after consuming too much alc. and lifted her head only to puke) on my lap... What the fuck! Couldn't ou have warned me? That's fucking disgusting! WHY?!?!?! WHY!?!?!?!  Like, I'd such a princess I don't even do mud, and then my dog pukes all over my lap... FUCK YOU TOO Tank! it's okay though, I love you, just don't puke on me ever again please.

Anyway, that's about it for today...I'm going to bed.

Happy Groping!