Hey blog buddies,
So, I wanna try something new with this blog. I'm going to be doing an advice column, but Skyler style. This essentialy means that you, my faithful readers, will be able to send me any questions you may have or anything you may need advice on. I'll do my best to give you my perspective on it, however harsh (but truthful), bitchy (but necessary) and rude (but meaningful). You can send me these via e-mail (
skylertyson@hotmail.com), facebook messaging, or by commenting on any of my posts. If you send it via e-mail or Facebook, your name will remain confidential if you want. Anyway, I look forward to starting this!!! Don't be afraid to sned me your needs for advice.
So being that I'm starting new things today, I'm going to start another kind of blog entry today entitled: "Did a blind, deaf, mute, geriatric, paraplegic man dress you?" Some celebs just don't know how to dress themselves and I swear they just get some random hobo to pick something trendy out for them. Anyway, here goes:
I know, you're probably starting to say: "Skyler, just leave JLo alone" but you know what? Nobody asked you!
So anyway, I don't understand where to inspiration in this outfit came from. For one, she looks like she lost her pants somewhere... Or maybe she's wearing them on her head? I don't know. Her "dress" is too short and makes it look like she's so wasted that she forgot to put on pants, and those poofy sleeves look really out of place.... And her ass is way too big to be wearing that...I mean, you might as well just wear a miniskirt and have it ride up so that it becomes a belt for your undergarments, because really, that's all it's doing. And where is she planning on wearing this? It's so.....ghetto. Like, when I see this outfit, I immediately think of those Jerry Springer episodes where one black woman is fighting with another woman saying somethign along the lines of: "I'm gon' keep mah baby. I don' care none if he gots no father, he gon' have all da love he needs" Picture it...seriously... and those boots look so uncomfortable.... I hope she shaved before putting those bad boys on...
Oh dear me....she looks like she's going to an ABC party (anything but clothes for the prudes reading this entry)... I could make that thing out of saran wrap and ductape. That and her tits are about to pop out of that dress like springs and give her a black eye...BOING! Turkey's done!
Anyway, I really don't understand Victoria Beckham's style choices... Like, she has millions and millions of dollars... she could at least stop shopping at the grocery store for the materials for her clothes...
One good thing about this dress though, kinda brings out some color in her face. And is it just me, or is she looking kind of.....greasy?
Phoebe Price...what have you done? Was it not enough that you're already a ginger, you had to go and be she-devil-princess leia- Victoria-Secret-Valentine's-Day-Puke?
Like honestly, I don't get it. There's enough lace in this outfit to make enough doilies to cover the tops of 600 little old ladies' coffee tables...
And those shoes.... what the fuck! Honestly, too much red! And it really doesn`t help that you can see everythign under her dress. She may as well have worn celophane. And why must she have used the same material as her `dress`as a headband? Honestly, just the headband alone would have been lace overkill, you just put everything together and your eyes just ask you to gouge them out with a rusty spoon. Like, mother fucker. Why can't rich people pick out nice clothes? Or better yet, why can't they get someone to pick out nice clothes for them
On the up side, I just HAVE to put one outfit in here that while insanely wacky, is amazingly awe inspiring. I'm talking baout the outfit Lady Gaga wore to the Grammy's this past weeekend. Let's take a look:
How awesome is this??? This futuristic Giorgio Armani gown has "Gaga" written all over it. I'm not sure if it's the double hue wig or the wacky Alexander McQueen shoes that complete this outfit, but it's simply amazing. I mean, say what you will, but nobody else could look even one tenth as good as Gaga does in this. Once again, Lady Gaga, you are my hero.
Anyway, I hope you liked my first installment of "Did a blind, deaf, mute, geriatric, paraplegic man dress you?". Remember to send me your "needs for advice". They don't really have to be real, but I need a few of them for this to work. Don't be shy!
Happy Groping!
